Alexa And Carlos PenaVega Managed To Out-WTF Jamie Oliver In The Baby Name Department

August 22, 2016 / Posted by:

To some, Alexa and Carlos PenaVega are known as “WHO?” and “WHO?” To others, they’re known as the little girl from Spy Kids and the dude from that Nickelodeon boy band who competed against each other on Dancing with the Has-Beens. But now, they should only be known as the messes who came up with a baby name that is filled with more WTF than the name that serial jacked-up baby name-giver Jamie Oliver gave to his latest child.

Jamie Oliver’s wife, Jools Olivier, birthed out their fifth kid a couple of weeks ago, and ever since then I’ve been waiting to find out the baby’s name. Jamie and Jools named their brand new son River Rocket Oliver. (In the future, Megan Fox’s kid Journey River Green and River Rocket Oliver can totally start a boy pop duo named The Rivers.) Yes, “River Rocket” sounds like the title of a failed cartoon from the 80s about Tom Sawyer in space, but compared to the names of Jamie’s other kids, it’s pretty normal. Jamie’s other chirrun are named Poppy Honey Rosie, Daisy Boo Pamela, Petal Blossom Rainbow and Buddy Bear Maurice, so “River” is practically “John” in comparison.

Alexa and Carlos PeenOnVerga’s baby is still growing inside of her, but for some reason, they decided to share his name on Instagram. Alexa and Carlos are really into Jesus, so they’re giving their first kid a biblical name, and okay, but their explanation is such a damn reach that they touched the toes of God in heaven above while typing it:

Ocean King PenaVega ??? We can’t wait to meet this little Blessing. #BabyPenaVega #MyLilMan (For those asking about our name choice… 🙂 -God called the dry ground “land” and the water the “seas”. And God saw that it was good.- That is why we went with Ocean. And he is a son of the one true “King”. For us it has a beautiful biblical meaning. ??

If they wanted a holy name, they should’ve named him SANTO DIOS since that’s what people are going to scream after finding out that his name is Ocean King PenaVega. Ocean King sounds like the name of a brand of tuna that’s only sold at Aldi, or like the name of a chain of waterbed stores that went out of business in the 90s.

On a positive note, it’s a good thing for little Ocean King that his parents didn’t go the “land” route and name him Dirt Prince.


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