Open Post: Hosted By The Dad Who Ate Pot Brownies And Called His Cat A “Bitch”

This story has temporarily made me a cat person because kitty was wronged! The Huffington Post relays a story about an unnamed Omaha man who ate the pot brownies that his 20-something-children left in his car without knowing what they were. He so wasn’t ready to float upon Mother Nature’s herbal breeze. So he took it out on the cat!

“It tasted fabulous, man,” The Pot Father told Omaha.com. “I should have known they weren’t my stepmom’s brownies. Because no one likes my stepmom’s brownies.”

The man said he ate about four brownies before noticing he was starting to feel “bad anxiety,” according to Omaha.com.

“The Pot Father” (that title would have me trading in my anonymity) had a bad reaction to the good shit. He tried calling his kids to find out how much weed he’d eaten, but was unable to reach them. They were probably listening to the voicemail he left and falling over laughing. He and his wife eventually called 911 (!!!), and the cops came. One of the children finally came home and told them it was only marijuana in the brownies. That’s when Pot Father took out his inability to handle the good shit on Kipper, the family cat. How can you be mean to something named Kipper?

Although paramedics on the scene said the man’s vital signs were normal, they noted some odd behavior on his part, including crawling around on the floor, randomly using profanities and calling the family cat a “bitch.”

Did he call his shitty baker of a stepmother “a bitch,” too? Kipper should lodge a complaint. It’s not the pussy’s fault that Pot Father can’t handle magic brownies! This is one of the reasons I avoid recreational good shit use. On the few occasions I try it, it either doesn’t affect me at all or it sends me into another dimension in which half of my face freezes and I call the delivery place every ten seconds to make sure my $85 worth of Chinese food is still on the way. I’ve never taken it out on the pets, though.