Hot Slut Of The Day!

Al Roker has been the full-time weatherman on Today for approximately 45 centuries (specifically 20 years), he’s related to Lenny Kravitz (Lenny Kravitz’s mom Roxie Roker was Al’s first cousin), he regularly brings the foolery to morning TV and he’s forever known as the Shart Master of the White House, but he gets today’s HSOTD stamp of approval for going in on Ryan Lochte.

Smug suppository Matt Lauer interviewed come-to-life Andy Samberg character, Ryan Lochte for NBC News (J. Harvey has that post coming up), but it really should’ve been Al Roker. Because Al Roker would’ve dragged that mer-bro to the sea and back. Al would’ve screamed, “I want the truth, Lochte!” To which Lochte would’ve screamed, “You can’t leggo my Eggo!” To which Al would’ve said, “Huh?” To which Lochte would’ve said, “Isn’t that what the old guy says in that movie where Demi Moore’s boobs look sweet in a military uniform?”

On Friday’s episode of Today (via HuffPo), Al Roker, Natalie Morales and annoying dashboard bobblehead Billy Bush talked about the international incident that has rocked the planet like no other. Billy played “devil’s advocate” and tried to defend Ryan and Al wasn’t having any of it. Al went on about all the things that Ryan lied about and he got so passionate that I wouldn’t be surprised if he sharted out a bit of rage into his chonies while doing so. Here’s a piece of what Al said while debating the BIGGEST NEWS STORY OF THE DECADE:

“He lied to you, he lied to Matt Lauer, he lied to his mom. He left his teammates hanging while he skedaddled. There was no robbery, there was no pull over. He lied.”

There are two things I love about the clip of Al and Billy arguing. I love that they’re both dressed like upper-middle class suburban dads at a clambake. (Please tell me they’re also wearing double-pleated Dockers shorts and two-toned Top-Siders.) I also love the way Al stirs that cocktail with a straw at the 1:43 mark:

That cocktail stirring is very “raking my zen garden to keep from going all the way off.” Al stirred that cocktail like an on-the-edge mom at a restaurant whose kids are acting a fool and she’s 5 seconds away from dragging their brat asses into a bathroom stall to whoop them.

This story has already been milked of every last drop, but I hope they milk it more by getting Ryan to do an interview with Al at a bar. Al would aggressively stir his cocktail so much that it’d become whipped rum.