“Mission: Impossible 6” Is Stalled Until Tom Cruise Gets More Money

August 20, 2016 / Posted by:

Petite cultist Tom Cruise feels that the millions he is surely getting paid for the sixth Mission Impossible flick aren’t cutting it. And until Tommy Girl can afford to buy Mars as well every shoe in the Bugarri collection, Mission: Impossible stans (as well as Jeremy Renner and the chick with the legs and the sniper rifle) can just deal with it. According to the Hollywood Reporter, preproduction on the film has been halted until Cruise gets his!

Sources tell THR that one of the contentious points is Cruise’s back-end profit participation, with the actor looking to match or exceed what he is getting paid by Universal for starring in The Mummy, which he is currently shooting in London.

The Mummy reboot (of a reboot, eff you, Hollywood) is part of Universal’s upcoming resurrection of all of their old movie monsters as a shared universe à la the Marvel Cinematic Universe. So Frankenstein and the Creature from the Black Lagoon will be fighting Abbott and Costello vs. Dracula or something equally awful. Universal thinks that this franchise is going to make them scads of money, so they’re giving scads of money to Cruise. Mission: Impossible studio Paramount should follow suit! Child support for a child you haven’t visited with in aeons comes pretty dear, ya know.

The project almost fell apart back in July, as well, due to script issues. So they moved the production start to January. Cruise just needs to climb his little ass up on something (stop tee-heeing, John Travolta) and go full Norma Rae to get the truckloads of money he so richly deserves and that the Church of Scientology desperately needs! The capital needed to continue refurbishing the Celebrity Centre’s glory hole wing isn’t just found on trees! Do you know how much it costs to keep Scientology prisoners followers living happily locked down at that Twin Peaks labor camp?

They can easily solve this by finding Brendan Fraser at whatever Fox sitcom set he’s currently guest-starring as an uncle on and get him to come back. His asking price is probably slightly less than Tommy’s.


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