Orlando Bloom and Katy Perry have been a thing since they were seen “flirting” and vaping at a Golden Globes afterparty back in January, which means they’ve been together for seven months. If regular people have the seven-year itch, then famous people have the seven-month itch. According to a statistic made up by me, seven months is usually how long it takes for a famous person to get the itch to sell their exclusive wedding pics to People or post a positive Clearblue pee stick on Instagram. It sounds like one of them has the seven-month itch, and it’s Orlando. Katy? Errr….not so much.
Sources tell People that Orlando loves Katy more than he loves naked paddleboarding, and he wants to make their relationship a permanent thing. Orlando hasn’t been this serious about a lady since his wife and mother of his 5-year-old kid, Miranda Kerr. Orlando and Katy aren’t engaged yet, but the sources say that they “seem to be heading that way.”
“[Orlando] always gushes about Katy and thinks she is amazing in a million ways. He would love to settle down with Katy and have more kids.”
While Orlando wants a whole litter of lil’ Legolases birthed out by Mrs. Katy Bloom, she isn’t so ready to throw on a cartoonishly trampy wedding gown and skip down the aisle. A friend of Katy says that her first marriage (to Russell Brand) was the relationship equivalent to eating shrimp from the dumpster behind a dirty Red Lobster, and she’s a little hesitant this time around.
“Katy’s divorce from Russell really messed her up emotionally. She’s not going to rashly make a huge commitment like marriage again unless she thinks it’s absolutely right.”
I don’t have a whole lot of feelings about the prospect of Katy and Orlando making a baby or getting married. But I would like to see what a wedding between those two would be like. Obviously, my dream is to see Orlando paddle up the aisle in a tuxedo with a flap for his penis to pop out of. But he’s going to have to wait for Katy to get good and pregnant. Because you know Jeremy Scott’s dream is to design a tacky plastic wedding gown that changes color when Katy’s water breaks.