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August 17, 2016 / Posted by:

Little Sprout Baby and the Goo Goo Kids!

A rusty, dust-covered locked trunk in my brain that’s labeled “Nightmares – DO NOT OPEN” was cracked open a few days ago when reader Angela sent me an e-mail about a demonic baby doll from the early-80s that terrorized households everywhere. Angela said they were called the “Goo Goo Dolls,” and I don’t remember their exact name, I just remember they had the evil power to manipulate children before sucking the innocence and youth out of them! But while doing important journalistic research for this post, I discovered that there were at least two types of soft puppet baby dolls that creeped out humans in the early-80s.

The Little Sprout Baby doll was a pantyhose potato with hair, a nose and teen tiny slits for eyes and a mouth. It was a puppet, so you could stick your hand in its back and cause grown people to clutch their rosaries by bringing it to life. The Goo Goo Kids were basically the same thing, only they may be a little more famous, because I think the Goo Goo Dolls got their name from them. Yes, they may be linked to the Goo Goo Dolls. They really are evil incarnate!

Little Sprout Baby and the Goo Goo Kids were sort of like tinier Cabbage Patch Dolls. They are what we got when Lucifer jizzed a load into a cabbage. Dip a Little Sprout Baby or a Goo Goo Kid in marinara sauce, give it marbles for eyes and it’d look like it calls Rosemary “mommy.” They’re like Renesmee as a fetus.

Here’s a Little Sprout Baby commercial that looks like it was directed by Dario Argento. Pull out the spray bottle full of holy water and prepare to cleanse your screen:

What’s surprising is that there were a lot of parents in the 80s who bought those dolls for their kid. If I was a parent in the 80s and my kid asked me to buy them a Little Sprout Baby or a Goo Goo Kid, I’d immediately scream for a priest to perform an exorcism on my child since they’re obviously possessed by something wrong if they want to bring that dark-sidedness into our house!

Pics: Pinterest, Etsy

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