Done In By Dick: The Olympic Edition

Since I am committed to bringing you all the most important and newsworthy events from the Olympics in Rio (see: Butt Fuchs, the lubed-up flag-bearer from Tonga, the Prance, Prance, Baby horsey, etc…), here’s Japanese pole vaulter Hiroki Ogita breaking 3 things in 1 second: his dick, his Olympic medal dreams and the whole “Asian peen” stereotype.

I always pray for the internet to deliver some pole-on-pole action, but this is not what I had in mind. I want video of Idris Elba and Jon Hamm sword fighting, not owww-inducing video of a pole vaulter getting cock blocked from an Olympic medal by his own cock. But I’ll take it. HuffPo says on Saturday, 28-year-old Hiroki Ogita got knocked out of a qualifying round after his peen fucked him over by slapping the pole. That’s one way to get an Olympdick at the Olympics. The truth is, I’ve watched this video at least 5,678,984 times since yesterday (because peen) and it looks more like his legs grazed the pole, but who really cares about dumb details when there are dick jokes to make!

Hiroki shouldn’t feel embarrassed at all. I mean, who hasn’t lost out on an Olympic medal after their genitals hit the pole in front of zillions of people? Yeah, that really didn’t work since only Hiroki has. Thankfully, Hiroki was fine and his peen didn’t need any medical attention. Although, it probably felt pain and sadness on the inside when Hiroki yelled at it for messing with his game.