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Hostess’ Deep Fried Twinkies sold EXCLUSIVELY at Walmart. (That sentence is so ‘Murican that after I typed it, my ass farted out the first few lines of the Star-Spangled Banner.)

For years and years, the culinary crown jewel of state fairs around the country has been the deep fried Twinkie. (I haven’t had one at a state fair, but I had one at a street fair once, and they didn’t deep fry it long enough so it was just a mushy barf mound of sugar, oil and soggy cake. My mouth loved every second of that grossness even though my body was like, “I’m not sure if you want us to have a heart attack or get the ‘beetus?”) Hostess has decided to make the dreams of stoners and Mama June’s tribe come true by butt burping up Deep Fried Twinkies into the freezer section at Walmart.

AP reports that Deep Fried Twinkies will be sold year-round at the emporium of American dreams and only at the emporium of American dreams. Walmart has the exclusive on Deep Fried Twinkies for a year. Every time someone buys a box of Deep Fried Twinkies at Walmart, a bald eagle will get diabetes. AP also sharted up the nutritional info, because anybody who’s going to down a Deep Fried Twinkie cares about that!

The vanilla-cream version has 220 calories, nine grams of fat and 16 grams of sugar. A regular Twinkie has 130 calories, four grams of fat and 14 grams of sugar. In comparison, a Starbucks Carmel Frappuccino has 420 calories, 15 grams of fat and 66 grams of sugar.

Whatever to those numbers. You have to bake Hostess’ Deep Fried Twinkies in the oven, so you’ll burn at least 220 calories from carrying that heavy ass baking sheet and lifting a Deep Fried Twinkie to your eating hole. And Deep Fried Twinkies come in “original” and “chocolate“:

I don’t know if that Twinkie looks like it’s caca-ing or looks like a weirdly shaped peen that just finished having messy, messy ass sex. Whatever the case may be, most of us still would…

Pics: @ADInnocenzio, Hostess (For Joan L.)