Hot Slut Of The Day!

Gary Lee Anderson, the Kentucky farmer who perfectly told the tale of a pilled-up couple crashing their pink Geo Tracker into a pole with a beehive on it. A car crashing into a pole with a beehive on it sounds like Nicolas Cage’s idea of a horror remake of Crash.

Antoine Dodson, The Backin-up Lady, Sweet Brown, Courtney Barnes and Sir John Michael better scoot over and make room in the Legendary Local News Witness Hall of Fame for a new inductee! Gary Lee Anderson gave his thrilling “Attack of the Bees” monologue to the local news last month, which is approximately 345 years ago in internet time, but there’s really no time limit when it comes to paying homage to local news STAH!

WKYT reported that on July 26, one couple swallowed down a Lohan-worth of pills (Suboxone, neurotin and Klonopin), got into their swimming chonies and drove around Laurel County, KY looking for somewhere to go swimming. But the only thing they found themselves swimming in was a swarm of BEES! As soon as they crashed into that utility pole with the home of the bees on it, the bees started attacking their asses. Now, Goopy Paltrow would call getting stung by a bunch of bees a “luxurious wellness treatment,” but most of us would call it a torturous hell. The couple ran away from their Geo (because they didn’t want to be My Girl’d) and ran to a garden hose on Gary Lee’s property. The couple was taken to the hospital to be treated for bee stings, and the dude who was driving was later charged with DUI and his lady friend was charged with public intoxication.

That would’ve been that, but what really made this story go viral was Gary Lee’s re-telling of it to a reporter. Gary Lee’s re-telling needs to be turned into a cautionary country song titled “Screamin’ and Squallin’“. There’s only one right way to tell the story of a couple crashing into a beehive, and this is it:

Here’s Gary Lee’s tale in text form:

“I just had got done feedin’ my chickens, waterin’ ’em and stuff, and I walked back to my house there to get my phone so I could play a video game on it. And all of a sudden I heard a big BOOM, and I looked back out my door and the electric pole fell and the lines were falling. And the Geo Tracker was sideways into the fence. And the guy came out, screamin’ and squallin’, and running around about like a chicken with its head cut off. I told him, ‘You need to get out of that water.’ But I didn’t know he was getting eat up by bees, I thought he was just high.”

If Gary Lee and I were friends, he’d be saying that last line a lot. “I didn’t know he was dancing, I thought he was just high.”

(For SP and Aaron)