It’s Day 4 of Candyass-ageddon, the event where The Rock unleashed a blind item unto the world about one of “candy ass” co-stars of Fast 8. It didn’t take long before we discovered that the candy ass in question was fellow oiled-up low-voiced buff baldy Vin Diesel. After The Rock subtly exposed VD’s candy ass, they allegedly got together to work things out, but that didn’t go anywhere and Vin got out of there as soon as he wrapped shooting. Well, when Vin got home, he curled up on a bed and filmed a little Instagram video where he commented on the situation. As expected, Vin subtly slapped back at The Rock before hinting that he had some shit to spill.
If the sound of Vin Diesel’s $6.99-a-minute bedroom voice was too much for your crotch to handle, here’s what he said.
“After being on set since literally Christmas, to finally finally finally come home and to learn that little Pauline learned a new word? I’m going to have to share it with you. It’s more important than anything. Her new word kind of describes my spirit and my soul, and most people who stay positive. The new word is happy. When I heard her say happy, I just lit up in ways I can’t even describe. Gimme a second and I will tell you everything. Everything.”
Even if he does tell us everything (everything) about working with The Rock, it might not be the whole truth. Production sources tell TMZ that the crew of Fast 8 love The Rock. They think the sun shines out of his polished quartz butthole, because he’s all about professionalism and doing a good job. They say it’s Vin who was the one who showed up hours late. And when he did show up to set, they claim Vin was an arrogant dick who was power tripping hard on his Fast 8 producer title.
Vin Diesel is so damn dramatic in that video; he makes it sound like he’s got some real dirt on The Rock. Whatever he’s got, I hope he growls it all out low-n-slow like he did in the video above. “Me?…A candy ass? That’s rich…coming from the guy…who once ripped a fart…on set…that smelled…like a rotten salmon burger.”
UPDATE: Vin Diesel isn’t speaking about everything (everything) yet, but Tyrese Gibson has more to say about all of this. Tyrese defended The Rock’s honor on Tuesday, and now he’s defending Vin Diesel’s. Tyrese threw up a picture of himself and Vin Diesel to Instagram with the following long explanation his “brother” Vin is anything but a candy ass.
Spreading love always….. without saying I've had too many moments to counts, too many heart too hearts, we've celebrated in too many countries, too many exchanges, too many play dates with our angels…… Our brotherhood and every moment has inspired me to be a better man and father…. So much strength to pull from….. I'm so fucking proud to call you my family and my brother…. even now I'm learning so much about sitting still and being centered in the mist of all of this unexpected energy……. I've always said that if ONLY people knew how hard you work to protect this franchise and characters, minds would be blown…… The fans around the world who continue to show UP for us are just all around amazing…… And if no one else will jump out there and stand up I will – You're my brother for life let's keep it positive and keep rockin this thing…… My proudest post…… #FastFamily #F8 #PaulWeStillMissYouEveryday
That’s nice, but all I can focus on what the hell Tyrese is wearing in that picture. Is that a tuxedo made from a Pudding Roll-Up?