“Just text an offer to every actress, singer, comedian, rapper, etc. out there and the first 8 to hit us back with a thumbs-up emoji, gets a role” is probably what the producers and director of Ocean’s 8 said while casting. Because they put together a motley crew of HUH? that includes Sandra Bullock, Cate Blanchett, RiRi, TEEFS, Helena Bonham Carter, Mindy Kaling and a rapper/actress who goes by Awkwafina (born name: Nora Lum). Yes, Awkwafina is a name that somebody chose to go by. Phoebe Price isn’t in it, but I slipped her portrait in, because I felt like that line-up needed some real A-list star power, charisma and ginger glamour. Like the producers can afford her day rate!
Warner Bros. is doing an all-lady spin-off of Ocean’s 11 titled Ocean’s 8, and it’s already been announced that Sandra, Cate, HBC and Mindy were “in talks” to join the cast. Today, Deadline reports that joining those four will be Battleship star RiRi, Anne Hathaway and Awkwafina (whose stage name looks like how Brit Brit Spears’ spells “Aquafina” on her show riders). They’re all veeeeeeeery close to signing deals. Ocean’s Eleven director Steven Soderbegh is producing, Gary Ross is directing and shooting starts in NYC in October. The eighth spot in the cast may go to Elizabeth Banks, because I am 99% sure that there’s a current law in Hollywood that states that Elizabeth Banks must be in EVERYTHING.
WB has yet to burp up the plot, but back in June, Entertainment Weekly said that the lady thieves’ big heist would go down at the Meth Gala, and HBC also told them that the script is good:
The screenplay, which is credited to newcomer Olivia Milch, reportedly focuses on a heist during New York’s annual Met Gala. “It’s a really good script — but I still don’t know if I’m going to be in it,” Bonham Carter tells EW. “But it’s a great script, and it’s great for women. Just hilarious.”
I get that Hollywood’s finger gets the shakes when they go a full day without pressing the “reboot” button on a movie from the past that made money, but we do not need this. If Hollywood insists on making an all-female heist movie, they should do a remake of a classic like Set It Off, or Bound, or Sugar & Spice. That’s what the movie-going public (read: probably just me) really wants! But for the sake of boredom, let’s guess who’s playing who in Ocean’s 8:
Sandra Bullock IS the George Clooney!
Cate Blanchett IS the Brad Pitt!
Mindy Kaling IS the Matt Damon!
Helena Bonham Carter IS the Carl Reiner!
RiRi IS the Don Cheadle!
Awkwafina IS whichever character is the hacker/tech nerd, because Asians are great with computers and electronics, DUH!
And Anne Hathaway is the explosives expert, but instead of blowing shit up with bombs, she makes things combust by breaking out into a showtune.
Here’s some thrilling pictures that photographers took of Ocean’s 8 cast member Mindy Kaling and her feet at a Hulu event in L.A. a few days ago: