Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 9, 2016 / Posted by:

Steele Johnson!

20-year-old American diver Steele Johnson (actual born name: Steele Johnson) and his 27-year-old diving partner David Boudia won the silver in 10-meter synchro diving at the Olympics yesterday, and to Twitter and beyond, he also won the silver in having the best fucking name ever. (Sorry, but the gold in that category will forever belong to Butt & Fuchs.)

Because we’re all a 10-year-old asshole brat who crank calls bars and asks, “Yeah, is there a Seymour there, a Seymour Butz?“, the name Steele Johnson brought the YESes last night. I know, Steele Johnson is a bold name for a dude who spends a lot of time in cold water. Steele Johnson sounds like the name a stache-having, Patchouli-smelling, Spanish Fly-using 70s porn star or like the name of the superhero ally of The Ambiguously Gay Duo. It’s perfect.

While doing research for this important post about important news, I read many articles that said that Boudia and Johnson are devout Christians and pray before their dives. via Team USA 

Standing on the platform before their final dive Monday at the Maria Lenk Aquatic Center, David Boudia and Steele Johnson recited Philippians 4:6, a Bible verse about anxiety. They smiled, fist-bumped and executed a back 2 ½ somersault with 2 ½ twists in the men’s 10-meter synchronized diving competition.

Steele Johnson should also send out a prayer of thanks for having that name. Because that is magnificent name. (Side note: I know I’m lying to myself, but I’m choosing to believe that “Boudia” is really pronounced “booty,” because I want their duo name to be Booty Johnson.)

And the NBC commentators who talked during Steele Johnson’s event should all be fired immediately, because none of them said, “Now let’s watch as Steele Johnson plunges deep into that wetness.” What the hell kind of sports commentators are they?!

Pic: Getty (For everybody who sent this in)

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