One of Satan’s most-devoted minions Mario Batali was in Portofino, Italy with his family yesterday and he terrorized the people by wearing the Ninth Circle’s official footwear of choice CROCS! The ginger look-alike of Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons wears Crocs so much that I bet his hooves have molded to their shape. Mario’s feet probably look like skin Crocs, and now I want to cut a hole in my skull and pour boiling holy water onto my brain until the image of skin Crocs has been cleansed from it.
And Mario throwing us the middle finger is redundant and he shouldn’t have bothered. Because nothing says, “Fuck you, I hate you, I want your eyeballs to die,” like wearing Crocs in public.