Living Slim Jim Cristiano Ronaldo is vacationing his ass in Miami and the sun is drawing UV Rays from HIM because that dude is TANNED. I’m not sure what that means because science is hard but he is BRONZED for the gods. He’s a sexy walking copper mine! Metallurgy is hard, too. Crispy hasn’t quite rolled his chariot into the George Hamilton/Tan Mom arena just yet but age might mess with his look down the road. He should watch out. Hot body with a tan works, burnt sienna wrinkles do not. Looking like one of Magda’s tits is still a scary look 18 years later. Ugh, I’m so old.
Please note that Cristiano is also trying to bring back Vamp. Good luck, Crispy!
Check out more snaps of a shirtless Cristiano Ronaldo in Miami in the gallery below.