Alternate headline: Brit Brit Showing You How To Shove A Video Full Of As Much Product Placement As Possible
The video for Britney Spears’ single “Make Me” was reportedly supposed to come out a while ago, but there was a rumor that she despised it so much that she slathered it with Velveeta, hate-ate it real fast, digested it, shit it out into a toilet and then flushed, hoping that she’ll have to never see it again. The rumors were that the finished video was too sexy for Brit, the director David LaChapelle wanted his name scrubbed from it and they re-shot a lot of it. The final video was squirted up today, and it’s like infomercials for Eos lip balm and Orangetheory Fitness squeezed into a struggle-budget remake of Toni Braxton’s video for “You’re Making Me High.”
Shit is pretty simple: Brit Brit and her friends audition a bunch of hot pieces for what I’m guessing is a soft-core porn. Because after she chooses her dude, they go to a bed and as they rub on each other, she oozes out the same orgasm face she probably makes after swallowing a Caramel Waffle Cone Frapp from Starbucks. The world could always use more man nipples, so I’m into that, but still, this video makes me wanna zzzzz….
And since we’re on the subject of Brit, here she is providing some real entertainment in an old clip from 2013 that Buzzfeed posted after it made the rounds on Twitter. I want a remix of “Make Me” called “Make Me Wanna Huh?” and I want the video to show what was going through Brit’s head after Ryan Seacrest says that he sprays his “girl” with perfume. Brit hasn’t been this confused since one of her friends accidentally let it slip that Santa isn’t real.
OMG BRITNEY DIDN’T KNOW RYAN SEACREST WASN’T GAY I’M CHOKING!!! pic.twitter.com/otaeq1aDDY
— Frankie (@frankiearam) August 5, 2016
I would say that Britney is all of us, but some of us bitches would’ve thrown a side-eye at him and said, “Girl?! Gurrrl….“