The eyes of the internet have barely wiped the jizz from their eyes after seeing pictures of Orlando Bloom feeding his uncut dick some Vitamin D while naked paddle boarding with Katy Perry in Italy, and now we’ve got new pictures of Justin Bieber skinny dipping in Hawaii. The New York Daily News were the first ones to bring on the boners with those Orlando pics, and they’re also the ones who posted the Bieber ones. They need to go ahead and change their name from The New York Daily News to The Nudey Dickly News. And yes, I’d be their most loyal subscriber if they did that.
Thousands of Beliebers hit puberty and gave birth to a humongous ball of screams last year when the Biebs’ rolled-up crotch pancake was spread all over the internet, and they’ll probably give birth to another humongous ball of screams over these new pics. The Biebs took off his chonies to go swimming in Hawaii with a topless and flower crown-wearing model friend named Sahara Ray. The pictures of Sahara Ray are just so natural and it totally doesn’t look like the paps marked an X on the rocks so she’d know where to pose to get the perfect light. You can get the pictures of Justin’s black box-covered crotch here.
— NY Daily News Gossip (@NYDNgossip) August 5, 2016
The Biebs and Orlando are one-time rivals, so those pics could be the Biebs’ way of sticking it to Orly (yes, I just realized that I called Justin a top). My eyes don’t need another serving of Justin’s peen, but I am all for dudes fighting it out in a dick measuring contest. Screw diss tracks, it’s all about dick pics. Now will Idris Elba, Jon Hamm and Alexander Skarsgard please get into a fight with each other?! Bring on the Peen War of 2016!
UPDATE: For those of you sucio whores who really wanted to see the Biebs’ un-blocked peen, here you go.