Sorry, you’ll need to give me a moment. I need to brace myself for the mental image of Nosferatu’s drug-gobbling rock-hollering cousin Ozzy Osbourne giving it to someone so good that they go to People magazine and tell them about it. Michelle Pugh, the woman in the middle of Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne’s temporary split, recently spoke to People magazine about her time as Ozzy’s side piece. Before today, all I really knew about Michelle Pugh was that she’s a celebrity hairstylist who was humping on Sharon’s husband. Now I know that Michelle was really into letting 67-year-old Ozzy (deep shudder) bite the head off her bat, so to speak.
According to Michelle, her thing with Ozzy started a year after she colored his hair back in 2011. Michelle says Ozzy pursued her, and they were together on the down-low for four years. Onto the part about Ozzy giving her the “greatest love.” I would have thought that being Ozzy’s side piece would involve him asking you to quickly jerk him off while he snorts Benefiber and keeps an eye on the front door in case his wife walks in, but that’s not the case. Michelle says that Ozzy was very romantic.
“When I say he gave me the greatest love of my life, I mean it. He made me feel like the most beautiful and worshipped woman in the world.”
“Chemistry” drew Michelle and Ozzy together, but that connecting on an “emotional level” kept it going. And it sounds like Michelle and Ozzy found a clever way to pretend it wasn’t cheating. She wasn’t fucking Ozzy Osbourne; she was banging some mumbling old man from across the pond.
“My relationship was more with this really nice, sweet, funny and cool guy…John from England.”
Ozzy, on the other hand, might not be looking back at their four year relationship with cartoon hearts in his eyes. His rep tells People that he’s currently in therapy for a sex addiction. Ozzy’s rep would also like to point out that Michelle wasn’t the only woman he was secretly slipping his business to over the past couple of years.
“He would like to apologize to the other women he has been having sexual relationships with. Out of the bad comes good. Since his relationship with Ms. Pugh was exposed, Ozzy has gone into intense therapy. Ozzy is mortified at what his behavior has done to his family. He thanks God that his incredible wife Sharon is at his side to support him.”
Even though it’s over, Michelle says she still loves Ozzy and accepts that he went back to his wife. She also says she still dreams about him. Dreams? Did she mean nightmares? If I saw a dream-warped Ozzy lumbering towards me in my sleep, I’d break the current records set for both the fastest-moving human waking up terrified and speed at which a human is able to make the sign of the cross.