Mel Gibson and Sean Penn have a lot in common. They’d both kick a baby bunny in its b-hole if it winked at them funny. They both keep their skin rotisserie crispy by lying on an extra long, commercial-grade grill (it’s their idea of a tanning bed). They can both make a blood pressure machine explode just by touching it. So it was only a matter of time before they got together for something, only I figured that they’d get together to tag-team a pap. But instead of doing that, they may do a movie together. For the sake of that movie’s crew, I hope that craft services serves plenty of Valium pie, Xanax casserole, Lexapro stew and a soufflé fluffy enough for them to lay their face on and silently cry into.
Deadline says that Sean Peen is in “early talks” to join Mad Mel in Professor and the Madman. Figuring out who is playing who is impossible unless I told you that the professor in the movie is in the medial field and mainly focuses on the sucrose levels in breasts.
Mel is playing the professor and Sean is playing the madman. The movie is based on Simon Winchester’s bestselling book about the making of the Oxford English Dictionary. Mel has been trying to get it made for a while and at one point, was planning to direct. Mel is no longer directing. Farhad Safinia, who wrote the script, will also take on the directing duties. The plot goes like this:
Gibson will play 19th century professor James Murray, who started to compile the Oxford English Dictionary. Penn will play Dr. W.C. Minor, who contributed thousands of entries to the hugely ambitious literary project but also was an inmate at an asylum for the criminally insane.
This shit desperately needs a “making of” documentary, because the real drama is going to go down behind the cameras. This is going to end one of two ways:
1. The roasted skin on their faces will rip off and the cameras lenses will crack when they get into a sound barrier-breaking yell-off on set.
2. They will fall in love after realizing that their union has been written in the douche stars for centuries and they were always meant to be together, because they both know what it’s like to be a rage-filled wart of a human.
Actually, the second one would lead to a yell-off too, because they’d get into a screaming fight while deciding who’s going to blow who first before jacuzzi.