So, It Doesn’t Look Like Jared Leto Is Going To Get That Second Oscar For “Suicide Squad”

August 2, 2016 / Posted by:

As everyone knows from the stories and stories about highly esteemed thespian Jared Leto going full method to play The Joker in Suicide Squad, highly esteemed thespian Jared Leto went full method to play The Joker in Suicide Squad. Jared spent time with mental patients who had been institutionalized and tried to freak out his co-stars by sending them all sorts of *~OhSoCraZy~* presents like a live rat, bullets, a dead hog, butt beads, condoms full of cum, etc…etc… But well, a ton of reviews are out and some critics think that Jared beat a hog to death with cum-filled condoms (that’s how the hog died, right?) for NOTHING, because The Joker is hardly in Suicide Squad and he hardly comes close to topping Heath Ledger’s Joker.

Suicide Squad currently has a whopping 34% on Rotten Tomatoes thanks to the mostly shitty reviews it’s getting. It looks like Margot Robbie, Viola Davis and Will Smith got praise for doing the most with what they had to work with. Many critics say that Suicide Squad is like a bedazzled turd. It’s pretty and shiny, but mostly a mess. Strangely enough, I’m pretty sure a bedazzled turd was another gift that Jared sent his co-stars.

Here’s some choice quotes from some choice reviews:

Suicide Squad is bad. Not fun bad. Not redeemable bad. Not the kind of bad that is the unfortunate result of artists honorably striving for something ambitious and falling short. Suicide Squad is just bad. It’s ugly and boring, a toxic combination that means the film’s highly fetishized violence doesn’t even have the exciting tingle of the wicked or the taboo. – Vanity Fair

As storytelling, Suicide Squad is the worst of the worst, but it’s no different in kind from the best of the best. This is all just high-priced junk. – Vulture

Suicide Squad feels like it was re-drafted in the editing room. It’s clumsy, disrupted by at least eight different plodding flashbacks, filled with lines of dialogue that cut well into trailers but make zero sense in context, and patched up with an embarrassment of rock-along musical cues.  – A.V. Club

A puzzlingly confused undertaking that never becomes as cool as it thinks it is, Suicide Squad assembles an all-star team of supervillains and then doesn’t know what to do with them. – The Hollywood Reporter

Jared Leto creates a surprisingly sensual Joker, a Joker who likes to cradle people’s faces in his hands while he’s talking to them. Like Tony Montana if Jim Carrey had starred in “Scarface,” Leto is part gangster and part clown, but he’s not really part of this movie. [Director David] Ayer never finds anything for the character to do, and so Leto’s role is reduced to a glorified cameo, a prelude to a more significant performance in a future installment. – Indiewire

All that talk about Jared Leto going super-Method to play the Joker, tormenting his castmates and whatnot, has led only to a lukewarm display of villainy that, it turns out, teeters on the line between small supporting role and outright cameo. After all that, Leto’s Joker is barely in the damn movie, and when he is, he’s entirely underwhelming. – Vanity Fair

When you’ve got model-turned-actress Cara Delevingne as one of your chief villains, and she’s writhing and wriggling about in embarrassing fashion, spouting lines that make Dothraki sound like Shakespeare, you’re not just dipping your toes into camp territory, you’re getting soaked. – The Chicago Sun-Times

That last one really sold me and I am fully ready to worship Cara DeliVines as our new Camp Queen!

Suicide Squad is still going to make $15,698,989,984 at the box office and will make another $17,983,984,983 in merchandising. So there will probably be a sequel, which means that the cast should go ahead and start stocking up on antibiotics, because Jared Leto is going to try to outdo his “method gifts” by giving them jewelry made out of his dried tonsil stones and sculptures molded out of ripped-off herpes sores.

And here’s some pictures from last night’s NYC premiere including some of Margot Robbie looking like a glorious unicorn sorceress and a Gucci-covered Jared Leto looking like a Sgt. Pepper era Beatle as reimagined by Ed Hardy.


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