When Jake Gyllenhaal was on Man vs. Wild, he and Bear Grylls took their tops off. When Zac Efron was on Running Wild with Bear Grylls, he and Bear took their tops off. Nick Jonas was on last night’s season premiere of Running Wild, and it would’ve been unnatural and wrong if he and Bear also didn’t take their tops off. Nick went on that show, because he’s not truly a master panderer to the gays until his nipples have made a cameo appearance in Bear Grylls’ Fun Time Hour Of Homoerotica.
Bear is usually into PnP (piss ‘n play) stuff, but on last night’s episode, he and Nick got into a little foot fetish fun in the name of survival. It all started when Nick and Bear had to strip down to their chonies because of ratings. But also because they needed to swim across an ice cold river. Once they practically froze their assholes off from crossing that river, they got out and got dressed. Nick has diabetes and so he had trouble getting circulation back to his feet. That’s when Bear jumped in to help by massaging Nick’s hooves. Bear really wanted to get the circulation going in Nick’s feet, so he switched from massaging them to fucking his armpits with them. I swear, that show’s story producers must write gay porn on the side.
But really, it’s kind of embarrassing that Bear considers himself a survival expert. That is not how you get someone completely warm. If Bear knew anything about surviving in the wilderness, he would’ve done this technique with Nick:
“Okay Nick, what I’m going to need you to do is pull out your penis. We need to get your whole body warm right away, so I’m going to blow hot air into your dick slit. While doing so, I’m also going to stick my finger in your butthole so that the hot air doesn’t get out. Hurry, man, it’s a matter of life and death!”.
And here’s some screen shots that look like the beginning of a Sean Cody scene.