People magazine says that Ellie Kemper – aka Kimmy Schmidt from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and Erin from The Office – has given birth to the baby she made with her husband Michael Koman. That’s all People knows: that a baby was living inside Ellie, and now it’s living on the outside. No other information than that. No name. No sex. No weight. Like, did she have a regular 6lb 3oz baby, or a giant 12lb behemoth fetus? Did it come out looking like Wendy from the restaurant Wendy’s? These are the important details.
But of course someone managed to spill the details of Ellie’s birth. And in a very “Titus Andromedon totally would” move, it was done on Facebook by Ellie’s Kimmy Schmidt co-star Tituss Burgess.
Thanks to Tituss, we know that Ellie’s baby is a boy. We also learned that people from the south allegedly have the ability to both predict and identify when someone is knocked up. That’s odd; I’ve seen at least three episodes of TLC’s I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant that took place in the south.
So congratulations to Ellie Kemper. And my sincerest condolences to Tituss. The Emmy committee is totally going to take back that Best Supporting Actor nomination they gave him last month. It’s pretty clear from the eight layers of melodramatic poetry in that birth announcement that he’s not acting when he plays Titus Andromedon; he is Titus Andromedon.