Taylor Swift used to say “shit list,” but since she says it so much and has to clean her mouth out afterward, she ran out of soap real quick.
Troian Bellisario is on your 12-year-old niece’s favorite show Pretty Little Liars (and yes, I am your 12-year-old niece because I used to watch it religiously) and so since she’s a celebrity, she was at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia this week. Cosmopolitan was also there, and in between working on an article titled, “25 Anti-Hillary Dirty Talk Lines That Will Make Your Bernie-Or-Bust Boyfriend Bust Faster,” they talked to Troian about politics and shit. The “shit” being the feud between the Veronica in Betty’s body, Taylor Swift, and matching butt plugs Kanye and Kim Kartrashian.
Cosmo asked Troian if she’s on Team Kimye or Team Taylor, and she made it clear that she’s on Team None Of Those Assholes. She also really let out her feelings about how Taylor Swift is a faux-feminist who carries a sign that reads “GIRL POWAH!” with one hand but stabs another woman in the back with the other. Let it all out, Troian!
Oh god, I have such an aversion to the Kardashians because I literally don’t understand people’s obsession with them and I don’t want to accept them as our closest thing to a royal family, so I guess I would be Team Taylor Swift? However, I’m so appalled by what I consider to be her false feminism. It seems like she’s this person who’s like, “Sisterhood!” and then she does nothing but tear down the women that were once her friends. So is it possible to just be, like … this is a two-party system that I don’t want to be a part of? Can I just say that? Can I say that I would choose the Green Party in this?
Troian better clear her schedule tomorrow, because she’s going to need to spend her morning cleaning up all the toilet paper and eggs that Taylor’s Squad is going to cover her house with.
And while holding court with her Squad, Taylor responded to Troian’s words by saying, “Pretty Little Liar? More like Fugly Fat Loser!” And then her Squad fake laughed and said, “Good one, my Taylord.” The friendship contract they signed in blood and glitter stated that they must laugh at all of her jokes or else!