Lindsay Lohan Told Her Dad That She’s Really Got A Fetus Growing In Her Body

July 27, 2016 / Posted by:

As Lindsay Lohan got back to her full-time job of lounging on a yacht in Europe, her piece of trash father Michael Lohan got back to his full-time job of spitting out private bits of her life to the media for coins. Michael Lohan told everyone yesterday that he believes that his daughter and her maybe-cheating and violent Russian piece spawned. And today, Michael said that LiLo told him in a text message that a fetus is really in her womb where it’s probably sipping on some vodka-infused amniotic fluid.

The Western Union near Michael Lohan’s house must’ve been really busy today, because he talked to Page Six, The Daily Mail and UsWeekly about the supposed text message LiLo sent him. Michael claims that LiLo said, “Daddy, I’m pregnant,” in her text and he also claims he doesn’t know how old her freckled fetus is. Michael shook his head over this news as he made a mental note to hire an assistant to help with his extra workload since in a few months he’ll have another family member to sell out to the tabloids for a check. Michael mouth queefed this up into the ear of The Daily Mail:

“It’s going to be up to her what she decides to do. It’s troubling. It’s troubling that she is pregnant. [Egor] needs to get his act together. She is going through this hard time in the relationship. That’s kind of hard.”

If Michael and Lindsay are telling the truth, then at least it looks like she’s taking care of herself and feeding her unborn baby all kinds of nutrients like nicotine:

Michael isn’t bothered by LiLo possibly smoking out her baby.  It happens. Pregnant women smoke! Pregnant women drink! Big deal. And even though many of us got secondhand high from LiLo’s tweets and notes on Instagram, Michael told Page Six that she’s totally sober:

“Well, people smoke when they’re pregnant. People drink when they’re pregnant. Lindsay doesn’t drink … I’m very proud of her because through this whole thing most people might have relapsed. They might have had a drink or taken pills or something. She stayed clean and sober through this whole situation.”

I still don’t know…

Why would LiLo announce that news for free?! What’s the point of being a knocked up fame whore if you’re not going to sell the news to the highest bidder? I won’t believe it 100% until LiLo sells the news and a copy of her sonogram to The Sun. And after I see that, I’m going to go down to Costco and stock up on the essentials (Funyuns, booze, a generator to power my laptop full of porn, etc… ) for my bunker since the apocalypse is near.

And here’s the future mother of the century on a yacht in Italy today:

Pics: Splash

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