Kristen Stewart Is Finally Feeling Things Again

July 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Kristen Stewart looks about as empty and dead inside as a cold, hallowed-out cadaver, but she tells Elle UK that after getting back with her on-and-off-again-piece Alicia Cargile for the third time, she is finally feeling feels again. Don’t let that picture from Elle UK fool you. On the outside, Kristen Stewart may look like a zombified and punkified Wednesday Addams after smoking a morphine-laced joint, but on the inside, a roller coaster of a million raw emotions is running through her!!!

KStew got back together with Alicia a couple of months ago after she was done rubbing her roving poon on French singer and the hipster Punky Brewster SoKo. This time around, Kristen really feels the warmth, and no, she’s not talking about the hot and musty clouds of grease particles that waft off of their unwashed bodies. She’s talking about love!

I think also right now I’m just really in love with my girlfriend. We’ve broken up a couple of times and gotten back together, and this time I was like, ‘Finally, I can feel again.'”

Finally, I can feel again” sounds like something that an Emo 7th grader circa 2004 would write on their MySpace after the new My Chemical Romance album came out.

Since we’re never ever getting away from the Robsten shit, KStew dribbled out some thoughts about being with Robert Pattinson. She brought out her “comic book” analogy again, and said that now that she’s come out, she’s never been happier.

“When I was dating a guy I was hiding everything that I did because everything personal felt like it was immediately trivialised, so I didn’t like it. We were turned into these characters and placed into this ridiculous comic book, and I was like, ‘That’s mine. You’re making my relationship something that it’s not.’ I didn’t like that. But then it changed when I started dating a girl. I was like, ‘Actually, to hide this provides the implication that I’m not down with it or I’m ashamed of it, so I had to alter how I approached being in public. It opened my life up and I’m so much happier.”

So now that KStew is talking about her girlfriend, does that mean that the Robsten conspiracy crazies will finally stop thinking that she and RPattz are married on the down-low and raising their secret love children in a cabin in the woods somewhere? No, probably not. If anything, this interview probably fueled their crazy even more. I mean, the real Kristen Stewart doesn’t experience the emotion called “happiness” and if she did, she’d never admit that shit out loud. She was obviously reading from a script written by someone who doesn’t know her very well. WAKE UP!

Pics: Elle UK

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