“Whassat ’bout a bump? Yeah, gimme one of them. Better make it a double cause I (inaudible mumble) fink I’d (inaudible mumble) hahahah….Shaaaraaaaaaan.”
A few weeks ago, sources were whispering that Sharon Osbourne’s heart was once again beating for her estranged cheater husband Ozzy Osbourne. It sounded like there was a chance that Sharon and Ozzy might not make their latest split a permanent thing after all. Until then, Ozzy hadn’t commented on the status of his relationship (he left that up to Kelly Osbourne, who informed everyone that her parents’ marriage wasn’t done). Ozzy’s finally talking about the latest drama between him and Sharon, and the drama’s over, everyone. Move along, nothing to see here.
Ozzy announced that he and Sharon are working things out while promoting his new History Channel show, Ozzy and Jack’s World Detour, with Jack Osbourne on Good Morning America today. According to Ozzy, the news that Sharon kicked him to the curb after she caught him cheating with a hairdresser back in May was “a bump in the road“, but that they’re “back on track” again. He adds:
“Some days it’s good, some days it’s terrible, some days you just drift apart for a while. But you get back on the horse, you know.”
At least I believe those were the words that were coming out of Ozzy’s mouth (my Ozzy-to-English translation skills are good, but they’re not perfect).
Shortly after Ozzy’s GMA interview, Sharon confirmed the news that they’re “back on the horse” on The Talk. Although she wouldn’t exactly use those words.
“Um, ‘Get back on the horse,’ how dare you? He’s such a romantic fool. So romantic – back on.”
She also said that Ozzy wants to come on The Talk and keep the attention train running by apologizing to everyone for what happened back in May between the two of them. As for what made Sharon run back into Ozzy’s tattooed arms, Sharon says she couldn’t think of her life without him. But that doesn’t mean Ozzy’s two-timing ass is going to get off easy.
“Even though he is a dog. He’s a dirty dog. So there we are. He’s going to pay big.”
This would normally be where I’d encourage Sharon to get that Ozzfest money, but she’s already on the Ozzfest payroll. Get that History Channel reality show money, I guess? At the very least, she should get a system in place to determine what kind of cheating she’ll tolerate. Maybe that “dirty dog” comment is a clue. “Nannies, fine. Hairdressers, okay. But I swear to god if I find you’ve been banging the dog walker…”