Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 23, 2016 / Posted by:

The “Not The One” Swan whose last nerve has snapped and now he’s on a mission to destroy all model boats in his path!

Lakes are a swan’s home, and one swan in the town of Needham Market in Suffolk, England is done with intruders, like model boats, trespassing on his private space and has declared an all-out war on those bitches. The Telegraph says that the Not The One Swan of Suffolk is putting the HAM in Needham by going crazy on anything that gets in his way. The swan has destroyed around 8 model boats and one of those boats reportedly cost £15,000. (I know, the REAL story here is that a model boat can cost thousands of dollars.)

The members of Needham Lake’s boating club have had it with the swan terrorizing their boats. They don’t want to handle the situation by building a model battleship to shoot at their enemy or by sending a gang of ducks to jump his feathered ass. The members of the boating club are real proper-like gentleman, because they’re asking for THE QUEEN’s help instead. The members believe that THE QUEEN owns all unmarked mute swans in the UK, and she technically does, but only exercises her rights for swans that live on the Thames. Swans are still protected under law and doing any harm to them may get your ass in trouble with the law.

One member said that Jaws in a swan body even goes after the ducks. The member wants THE QUEEN to bust a Swanxit on the swan and move him elsewhere before he destroys even more model boats that take months to make. They’re all sick of their beautiful, peaceful body of water turning into Swan Lake as seen through the eyes of Stephen King.

“I wrote to the Queen telling her the swan is a menace and I would like him to be moved on if possible. I said usually I like swans, but this one was attacking our boats and I would like to be able to boat in peace. I told her the geese have no problem with us, the ducks seem to enjoy it and the swans we used to have at the lake were not a problem.

One duck even hopped on to a barge for a ride. It is just this swan that is a problem and I want to see him moved elsewhere. I had one of my boats valued a month ago and I can tell you I don’t want that swan in the water at the same time as my boat.”

THE QUEEN hasn’t said shit about this yet, but sources (in my imagination) say that royal dog terrorizer Prince George sent Cujo swan a message in a bottle that read, “Thug on, thug on!

Since that swan is a gangster and has claimed his turf, those boaters will either have to find a new lake or pay that swan a monthly “protection fee.” Or maybe THE QUEEN will come through and relocate that swan…. to Morrissey’s front garden.

Pic: Archant/Easonm1

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