FYI: Goopy Paltrow Was Doing Yoga Before Yoga Was Cool

July 22, 2016 / Posted by:

Yoga is thousands of years old and tricks have been Downward Dog-ing and Child’s Posing in the US for decades, but I guess Goopy Paltrow has steamed her coochie so much that loads of hot air have traveled up to her head, because she believes that she was doing yoga before yoga went mainstream. Yes, Goopy is a wellness hipster.

While talking to The Cut (via Celebitchy) about wellness stuff, the interviewer verbally rubbed her taint by saying that she made wellness “cool.” Goopy was then asked if she remembers when she first started using the word “wellness.” She spit out this stream of bullshit that may make you do the rolling tuck pose with both of your eyes:

I don’t know. We’ve talked a lot about health and wellness at Goop. I’ve always been interested in alternative ways of achieving this elusive wellness. I’ve been very experimental and I’ve tried all kinds of modalities, diets, and juices. I kind of like being the guinea pig for it all.

I remember when I started doing yoga 20 years ago, and people thought I was super weird and didn’t know what I was doing. It’s the same way with organic food or acupuncture. I was always the one saying “Hey, this is cool,” and people being like, “You’re super weird.” And now, yoga is … [Gestures big].

You know the words “I told you so” are on the tip of Goopy’s tongue and can’t wait to launch them when poon steaming salons pop up in mini-malls from Key West to Spokane, and everyone’s grandma is getting her crotch wonton hit with a cloud of hot air every other week. When vagina steaming becomes mainstream, Goopy will let us know she was the godmother of it! But back to Goopy being a hipster yogi, I’m just going to leave this video from 1993 of Jane Fonda here:

Nobody would’ve dared call yoga “weird” if Jane Fonda was doing it. Goopy stays proving that even though she gets a million colonics, she’s still full of shit. On another note, that Let It Go chick from Frozen totally stole Jane Fonda’s ‘do.

Pic: Wenn.com

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