Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 21, 2016 / Posted by:

Crispy Wheats n’ Raisins cereal!

Because one of my goals is to put the Hot Slut of the Day stamp of dishonor on every single cereal that was born in the 80s (or in this case, the late 70s) and is no longer with us anymore, today’s HSOTD is the crispy deliciousness that was supposed to take out Raisin Bran as the forever reigning Emperor of Raisin And Flakes Cereal. General Mills put Crispy Wheats ‘n Raisins cereal on shelves in 1979, because they wanted to give the people a cereal that didn’t turn into a soggy swamp of morning sadness five seconds after leche touched it. General Mills bragged that unlike Raisin Bran, their wheat flakes cereal wouldn’t ever look like something found in a used-up diaper.

The flakes in CWNR cereal were “honey touched,” so they supposedly didn’t get soggy. And I’m pretty sure that the CWNR cereal commercial from 1986 starred Margaux Kramer, the third best Punky Brewster character after Cherie and Brandon.

Crispy Wheats ‘n Raisins cereal was sent to the cereal morgue sometime in the early 90s, because people would rather shovel spoonfuls of raisin-filled wheat diarrhea into their mouths than honey touched crispy flakes. Not even the approval of Margaux Fucking Kramer could save it and if that couldn’t save it, nothing will. And on a different note,  “Honey Touched,” said in a dramatic whisper like in the commercial, is a good drag name.

(For Ramon)

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