When everyone found out that my favorite Dynasty character who was never a Dynasty character, Melania Trump, played a one-person game of Telephone at the Republican National Convention by repeatings parts of Michelle Obama’s 2008 Democratic National Convention speech, Donald Trump’s staff threw out a few excuses hoping that one would stick. They called it a coincidence, they blamed Hillary Clinton and one RNC official dragged Twilight Sparkle (the My Little Pony, not Robert Pattinson) into it. I was really hoping that the Trump campaign would shut everyone up by saying that Michelle Obama is a time traveller who leaped to the future and recorded Melania’s entire speech before going back to 2008. But instead of playing that logical card, the Trump campaign found a sacrificial lamb to fall on her gold-plated marble sword, as Melania Trump stood by looking devastatingly gorgeous.
The New York Times says that speechwriters John McConnell and Matthew Scully wrote the first draft and sent it to Melania. Like a polyester dress from Dress Barn, Melania tore that speech up and only kept a tiny piece of it. Melania decided to write the speech herself with help from ballerina turned writer Meredith McIver. Meredith, who has been described as an in-house writer for The Trump Organization, released a letter where she took the blame.
Meredith admits that during a phone conversation, Melania read her pieces of the First Lady’s speech “as examples.” Meredith claims that she used some of the “phrasing” without checking Michelle Obama’s speech first. Meredith apparently tried to fire herself, but the Trump family wouldn’t let her. Meredith didn’t explain why she’s taking the hit when Melania should’ve known they were jacking from the First Lady’s speech. If Melania really read passages from Michelle’s speech to Meredith, then she should’ve known they were thieving when she read the final draft. But whatever, Melania has other things to worry about like trying to smolder while blocking out the recurring nightmare of seeing Donald Trump naked in the daylight that one time.
That letter brought out even more questions than answers. Where is the apology to Rick Astley? Where is Melania’s apology to Mr. Coffee for not giving them credit for those wilting coffee filter sleeves she wore? Has Donald Trump’s entire campaign been one long performance art piece orchestrated by Christopher Guest and Melania Trump is really a character being played by Jennifer Coolidge? No, even the mind of Christopher Guest couldn’t come up with potent craziness like this.