Open Post: Hosted By Jake Gyllenhaal As A Cracked Out Safari Pimp

July 18, 2016 / Posted by:

Don’t ask me what a “safari pimp” is.  Since when do I have one clue about what the hell comes out of my fingers? But if I had to guess, I’d say a safari pimp is a safari tour guide who takes tourists out into the wild by day and turns out lion, zebra and gazelle ass onto the stroll by night. It’s The African Queen meets The Mack.

Usually when a creepy, mustached man is flexing his thighs in shorts on the streets of Manhattan, everyone says, “Geraldo, Geraldo, we get it, you’re hot, put it away, pepaw.” But over the weekend, it was Jake Gyllenhaal who brought his hot thighs to the streets while looking like Freddie Mercury in Brian Fellow drag. Jake, South Korean actress Seo-Hyeon Ahn and the goddess of aliens Tilda Swinton covered the streets of the Financial District in Manhattan with even more layers of foolery while shooting Okja, the latest movie from Bong Joon-ho, the director of Snowpiercer.

Based on these pictures, you may think that Okja is about a young Tom Selleck who takes a break from his job as a ringleader at a Boy Scouts-themed circus to team up with one of Sia’s brain cells (played by Tilda) to kidnap a Korean girl.  But according to IMDB, this is what Okja is about:

A young girl named Mija risks everything to prevent a powerful, multi-national company from kidnapping her best friend – a massive animal named Okja.

So in other words, it’s about my last acid trip.

But it doesn’t matter what Okja is about because: Tilda + Jake as a jazz hand-wielding 70s Indiana Jones on meth = get that movie on my eyes now!

Pics: Wenn.com, Splash

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