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The Wall’s Lifetime Music Guarantee!
Before we got our music through Spotify, or iTunes or those Russian music websites (I see you, bitch!), we had to get our music at this thing called a “music store.” Yup, in my day, we had to get in our Fred Flintstone cars and fight off dinosaurs as we drove to the “music store,” and we did it while suffering from the bubonic plague! We bled for our music. The Wall was one of those music store chains and it was mainly on the East Coast. So to us chirrun of the West, I guess The Wall was like Music Plus.
Many music stores had a “lifetime guarantee,” but it became The Wall’s trademark. The Wall made the promise that if anything made your CD un-listenable, they’d replace it. If your CD got fucked up from you snorting lines off of it, The Wall would replace it! If your sister used your CD as a mirror while she plucked her brows and she accidentally scratched it up with her tweezers, The Wall would replace it! There were probably some people out there who thought that music stores would last until eternity and that nothing would replace CDs since they were the pinnacle of music technology, so they figured that their CDs were protected forever.
But like most music stores, The Wall sadly came crumbling down, and now it’s just a giant pile of dust and broken plastic CD security cases. The Wall never lied, though. Their lifetime guarantee was real, they just didn’t specify whose lifetime. The Wall may be dead, but their blue Lifetime Music Guarantee stickers will live forever.
RIP The Wall.
Long live Lifetime Music Guarantee stickers!
(For Kathleen) Pic: Spike Eskin