Katy Perry, Who????!? Brit Brit Spears Is Here To Fill Your Ears With Her Robotic Coos

July 15, 2016 / Posted by:

“Oh goshdarnit, Ah think ah just gambled ayn loss into mah freakum toga…

Engineers specialized in auto-tune theatrics and graphic designers are rejoicing, because the Empress of Auto-Tune and the Princess of Photoshop (sorry, the queen crown belongs to Mariah Carey) is coming back with a new album. Last night, Katy Perry squirted out the song that’s been brewing inside of her (and the other 4 writers too, I’m sure) for years. Katy released “Rise,” a dramatic anthem that will heal the world and cure Zika, or something.

Katy Perry wasn’t the only one to push out a song that will fill her vault with even more gold bars (while inspiring the world, of course). Brit Brit (giving you “nervous Burning Man go-go dancer” above) released “Make Me,” the first song off of her 9th album. “Make Me” is Brit Brit’s first since song that eardrum-murdering abomination Pretty Girls” and it’s a zillion times better. Although, the sound of a hippo with diarrhea shitting onto a hyena trapped in a turned-on garbage disposal would probably sound better than “Pretty Girls.

The song also features some rapper named G-Eazy, and if you haven’t put it in your ears yet, here you go.

Many say that “Make Me” is about Brit Brit getting some dick. But to me, it sounds like she’s at home alone, watching TV and when a commercial for Burger King’s Mac N’ Cheetos comes on, she can’t fight the urge to make sweet mouth love to that deliciousness anymore and jumps in her car to get some. Here’s a piece of the lyrics:

Friday, I’m dreaming a mile a minute ’bout somebody
This feeling, I wanna go with it, cause there’s no way
We’re hiding away from this tonight, oh, this tonight
Can tell you want me
By the way I see you starin’ ‘cross the room, babe
No shame in the game
Just cut the shit, be honest
Yeah, you know what you gotta do tonight, do tonight

Yup, totally a sexy ode to Burger King’s Mac N’ Cheetos.

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