Miles Teller Got Jumped By A Gang Of Sun-In Bottles And It Looks Like He Lost That Fight

July 14, 2016 / Posted by:

Sometimes us dark brown-haireds need to be reminded that when we go blond, we probably won’t end up looking like Alexander Skarsgard. We very well could end up looking like a former Central Florida tweaker who spent a lot of time in prison for running a dogfighting ring in his memaw’s storage unit and later found Jesus in his 40s and is now running for Governor. Noted douche rash Miles Teller reminded us of that at last night’s ESPYs.

When the “Why pay more when you can Payless?” version of Shia LaBeouf walked onto the stage with Danica Patrick to present the award for Best Comeback Athlete, everyone thought to themselves, “I don’t know why Todd Chrisley is presenting, but he’s so strong for showing up after just surviving a meth lab explosion.” That dick discharge yellow hair and eyebrows not only gave Miles a lion nose, but it also transformed him into Eminem as drawn by the artistes who drew the Doug characters.

People believes that Miles may have attacked his hair and brows with peroxide for a movie role. No, he’s not playing Eric Trump in a struggle budget biopic for Spike TV. Miles is playing real-life firefighter Brendan McDonough in Granite Mountain. Brendan McDonough isn’t piss stain blond, but he’s blond.

With that being said, I still would because of 3 words: Champagne coupe dick, which means that his peen is probably short and skinny with an oversized head, but whatever!

Pics: Getty

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