Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 13, 2016 / Posted by:

Michael Baker, the Pokemon Go-a-holic who reportedly got stabbed in the shoulder while playing his (and everyone who doesn’t have shit to do) current drug of choice!

I played Pokemon Go for a grand total of 2 seconds and I stopped when I realized that I had to leave my house to play it. Fuck that. If Pokemon Go was called PokeMeMan and instead of catching Pokemons, you caught dick, then I’d totally leave my house for it. But I’m alone, because nearly every human on the planet, even growns with jobs, are playing that mess. And yet, I still don’t think we’ve reached peak Pokemon Go. Sure, a girl found a dead body while playing, and thieves are using it rob people, and messes are playing it at places like Auschwitz, but I bet things are about to get much more messed up. I think we’re close, though. Case in point: this story that may make you want to call NASA to ask them when the next flight off of this planet is.

21-year-old Michael Baker of Forest Grove, Oregon claims that he was stabbed by a fellow Pokemaniac and instead of using his phone to call 911, he used his phone to keep playing. He was on a mission to get more Pokemon and beer. Michael tells KPTV that at around 1 in the morning on Monday,  he was trying to catch Pokemon near 19th and Filbert in Forest Grove when he spotted another dude playing the game. Michael claims that he walked over to the dude because he wanted to “challenge.” That Pokemon challenge ended with Michael getting poked with a knife in the shoulder.

“I basically risked my life. I saw him go by and asked if he was playing Pokémon Go. He was like ‘what?’ I guess he wanted to battle because he came up at me with a knife. Right after I was stabbed, I continued my mission to Plaid Pantry for my mission for chips and beer.”

He eventually went to the hospital and got 8 stitches. The cops told KPTV that they have arrested Michael Baker and charged with him first degree foolery. No, the cops say that they haven’t arrested the dude who allegedly stabbed Michael and they can’t release any info about the suspect.

Hmmmm… A new wrinkle was born on my face from frowning at this story. This feels more like a drug deal or hook up gone wrong. If that’s the case, then if I was Michael Baker, I would’ve said that. I’d much rather say, “Listen, I got stabbed in a heroin deal gone wrong,” then, “I got stabbed while playing Pokemon Go.” But if he really did get stabbed while playing Pokemon Go and kept on going to get more Pokemon and beer, then Michael is a real American hero! Martha Stewart needs to whip up a nice Béarnaise sauce to pour over her words before she eats them. Because look, Martha, here’s a millennial who’s got real initiative!

KPTV – FOX 12

Pic: KPTV (For Moira)

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