And no, I don’t mean that she polluted it by getting in it.
Not since that one king threw himself into the ocean after thinking that his son died while trying to kill a roided-up man bull (aka the Minotaur) has the Aegean Sea seen so much drama. Lindsay Lohan celebrated her 30th birthday in Mykonos, Greece last week, and no LiLo party is complete until she’s dragged out of that bitch kicking and spitting after getting into a fight with her piece. LiLo’s one-time employer The Sun says that my pick for Britain’s new PM and her Russian trust fund fiancee Egor Tarabasov got into a messy tussle in front of 70 guests (including her leech dad Michael Lohan, The Curious Case of Ali Lohan and Egor’s mom) at a beach club in Mykonos.
It all started when LiLo spotted something on Egor’s phone she didn’t like. I’m guessing that something she spotted was the proposed prenup his lawyer sent over. LiLo did what any self-respecting gold digger would do, she turned that phone into lethal dolphin food by throwing it into the sea. Egor supposedly responded by committing a highly illegal act. Egor allegedly wasted the sweet nectar by pouring his drink on top of LiLo’s head.
The source says that eventually, security pulled our modern day Romeo & Juliet apart and LiLo left the party:
“Everything was fine between them before something on Egor’s phone upset Lindsay. They then started shouting and screaming at each other. Lindsay threw his phone in the sea, she looked absolutely furious. The security at the beach club had to pull them apart and Lindsay left in her car while Egor went back to the party.”
That sounds about right… Some couples say goodbye to each other with a quick tongue kiss and a hug, and other couples say goodbye to each other by throwing drinks at each other’s faces and screaming about how much they hate each other as security drags one of them away. If LiLo and her sugar sonny calmly left the party hand-in-hand, I’d do the unthinkable and put on a pair of UGGs, because obviously hell froze over and it’d only be a matter of time before the surface of the earth was covered with ice.
But LiLo tells Page Six that The Sun’s source must be related to her, because they’re lying. A phone didn’t go into the sea, a phone case did. LiLo didn’t throw it, her friend did:
“It had to do with my friend throwing his phone case in the water as a joke . . . because [guests] were making fun of it . . . People said I personally threw [the] phone, but it’s all not true. It’s a total fabricated lie!”
If The Sun told me the sky was blue, I’d have to bring in a color expert to confirm or deny their claim. The same goes for LieLo. So I don’t know who to believe. Choosing on whether to believe The Sun or Lindsay Lohan is like choosing to get oral from Johnny Depp or a shark who likes it extra rough. It’s nearly impossible. But really, you should go with the shark. It won’t give you gingivitis of the genitals.
And I’m presenting this shit without comment: