Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 11, 2016 / Posted by:

The cunt-hearted moth who gleefully drank up Crispy Ronaldo’s tanned tears of pain after he fucked up his knee during the Euro Cup finals last night!

When I was in Paris last week, we were walking down the street one night, and bar after bar was filled to the top with drunk messes screaming and cheering at TV screens. I thought to myself, “Hmmm, every TV must be set to the same channel and that channel must be playing Showgirls.” But they were watching that other gay camp extravaganza: Euro Cup 2016! Last night was the finals between Portugal and France, and deep fried rod of muscles Cristiano Ronaldo was probably hoping that the game would end with him ripping off his top and victoriously bumping sweaty nipples with his teammates after they won. Well, Portugal won, but sadly, Crispy didn’t get the chance to celebrate by ripping off his top (and you know he practiced it at least a dozen times during the day).

Crispy injured his knee early on in the match and he eventually had to bow out. But before he made his exit off the field, he cried and probably cried for us, the people who wouldn’t get to see his glorious Slim Jim nipples after he celebrated his team’s win by ripping off his shirt. As Crispy sat on the field, broken and sad, a moth fluttered over to his face and instead of comforting him in his time of sadness, it drank his tears. (Yes, that’s exactly what happened and don’t tell me otherwise!) That moth is a cunt after my own dead, frostbitten no-heart.

Of course, that moth became an instant internet star, and I’m all for it. I’d rather see more of that asshole moth than fucking Chewbacca Mom. And I bet that moth was living for Crispy’s pain, because he hit and killed that moth’s moth lover when he threw that mic into the lake. Sweet revenge tastes like Crispy’s tears, which probably taste like methanol gel fuel (that’s what he uses in his hair, right?), Vaseline mixed with lighter fluid (that’s what he uses as suntan lotion, right?) and burnt money smoke (his tanning bed runs on burnt money, right?). And now that I mention it, the joke may have been on that moth, because it probably died from drinking Crispy’s toxic tears!

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