Alanis Morrissette took to Instagram to announce the June 23rd birth of baby Onyx Solace Morissette-Treadway and deemed herself #beyondblessed. It’s not quite as dreadful as “over the moon” but #blessed is getting there. People are getting good seats at the movies and feeling #beyondblessed about it. No.
As for that name. Alanis and her husband Souleye (tn Mario Treadway) already have a 6-year-old son named Ever Imre, so they probably own a vintage VW bus and drive across the country stopping in meadows a lot. I assume they live in a souped-up yert of some sort. Rich hippies. But I think they were aiming for “darkly beautiful jewel” and ended up with “Legs and Eggs-breakfast shift stripper” on this one. “Solace” fits the bill by sounding like a wispy anime character who lives in a tree and constantly has butterflies hovering about her lavender-hued hair. But “Onyx” evokes strenuous pole-dancing on a carpet of beer-soaked ones. In Florida.
Alanis Instagrammed the below pic prior to Onyx’s arrival. Bully for her. If I had a human growing inside me, I wouldn’t be doing shit besides eating everything around me that was edioble and declaring myself on bed rest for 9 months. I don’t know how you ladies do it. Swimming? Maybe if there was a buffet at the bottom of the pool.