Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 4, 2016 / Posted by:

Vanilla Ice’s iconic American flag leather jacket!

In the late 1980s, The ghosts of every person who helped design the American flag simultaneously clutched their ghost chest all proud-like and said, “I can FINALLY be proud of my work,” when a truly elegant leather version of their creation was worn by a half-dissolved rapping ass suppository from Florida.

When the living blueprint for Justin Bieber’s future first popped up on the stroll and showed our ears what real music sounds like, he wore an exquisitely-crafted American flag leather jacket that along with his “Elvis after getting attacked by a bottle of Sun-In” pompadour and his raccoon tail brow, made up his signature look. Vanilla Ice wore that jacket so damn much in the early 90s, and nobody could blame him for it. If we all owned a jacket that looked like something Betsy Ross sewed herself with scraps from a Wilsons Leather factory, we too would wear it like a second skin.

That jacket is like the hot douche version of an American flag thong bikini. If a can of Natty Light and a mullet bareback fucked in a Port-A-Potty at a Nascar tailgate party and made a baby and that baby was transformed into a jacket, it would look like Vanilla Ice’s perfect American flag jacket.

A few years ago, Vanilla Ice said that he nearly committed a highly illegal act by burning one of his beautiful American flag leather jackets:

“At one point about 10 years ago I was going to burn it, and film myself burning it, because I had a problem with my whole past…but I’ve made peace with it and now I love it. Holla pop your collar!”

If he went through with it, it would have been a shame for America, because we would have lost an important patriotic artifact. It would have also been a shame for Vanilla Ice, because he would’ve ended up in prison. In the 90s, Congress overwhelmingly passed this act:

Whoever knowingly mutilates, defaces, physically defiles, burns, maintains on the floor or ground, or tramples upon Vanilla Ice’s American flag leather jacket shall be fined under this title or imprisoned for not more than one year, or both.

So on this Fourth of July, let’s be grateful that the thirteen colonies declared independence from the motherland, because if they didn’t, the United States of America as we know it would not exist and we wouldn’t have Vanilla Ice’s leather jacket in our lives. Happy Fourth, tricks!

Pics: Getty, Wenn.com

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