Happy Fourth Of July From Tom Hiddleston And His “I Heart TS” Tank Top

As Americans celebrate America’s independence by filling our stomach bags with the sweet nectar and charred hot dogs, the Hiddlestoners are in a fetal position, silently crying to themselves as they wish for the day when they’ll be able to celebrate Tom Hiddleston’s independence from ToTay!

In one of my million posts about this mess, I joked that soon Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift would be wearing matching “T Heart T” t-shirts during one of their pap strolls. And well, that joke became a tragic reality yesterday when Tom wore an “I Heart TS” tank top and a T heart fake arm tattoo during his and Tay Tay’s canoodle show for the paps on the beach in front of her mansion in Rhode Island. Just when you think Tom has reached the peak of “Bitch, what are you doing?” he finds a way to top himself. And the thought of Tom topping himself sounds hot, but not in this case.

Every year, the running of the attention whores hits a beach in Rhode Island when Taylor hosts her annual Fourth of July weekend party. Taylor’s closest friends (read: the ones with the most Twitter followers) all splashed around in the water on the beach yesterday. It was a mishmash of randoms including Gigi Hadid, Karlie Kloss, a knocked up Blake NotSoLively, Ryan Reynolds, Ruby Rose, Cara Delawhatever, Uzo Aduba and Martha Hunt.

Just Jared has a few pictures of everyone posing for those Instagram likes, but here’s a few.

Taylor, Tom, Ruby and Gigi in Rhode Island today pic.twitter.com/g9eDU89iSj

— Taylor Swift News (@TSwiftNZ) July 4, 2016

You may be shaking your head too much to notice, but Taylor’s (alleged) silicone titty balls are standing all the way up in that elegant bikini, which is something that a lot lizard would wear while drunkenly dancing to a Skynyrd song in the back of an El Camino at a block party in 1984. In other words, I love it.

And Tom is either PR-matized (he is) or he’s into some hardcore BDSM shit, because wearing an “I Heart TS” tank in public when you’re a grown man is the ultimate act of humiliation. If it was in my contract to wear that mess out in public, I’d lie to everyone and say that I’m only wearing it because I’m a huge T.S. Eliot fanboy.