This particular People cover doesn’t have anything to do with this post. I just want to know Kimmy Gibbler’s secrets now.
Following in the legendary footsteps of Arnetta the Moodsetta and the safety slide-utilizing Jet Blue flight attendant, People magazine reporter Sara Hammel quit her gig by spilling the tea on the magazine (and a couple of celebrities) in an e-mail blast on Monday.
Hammel’s resignation snatched at the wigs belonging to George Clooney, Jennifer Lopez and an unnamed Hollywood A-Lister who was such a perv to her that she wanted to stab him in the balls with her reportin’ pen. She also noted that Lt. Olivia Benson (the celebrity not the cat) rivals Claire Danes when it comes to the ugly-cry.
In between, there were memorable encounters galore, including making the gorgeous and empathic Mariska Hargitay ugly-cry (turns out she cries at like every charity-related event, phew), enduring an Oscar winner’s public bullying over an intimate dinner, facing a personal crisis at Tom Cruise’s wedding in Rome, getting basically, kind of spat on by a snotty J. Lo (okay, it was like a very wet pffttt in my general direction, really obnoxious), having fun with endless lower-key celebs like Rosario Dawson and Kyle MacLachlan and Michael Douglas, observing just how stiff and awkward George Clooney is around kids, insulting Sheryl Crow’s baby, and getting groped/harrassed by an A-list [omitted] performer in New York and Paris (that’s not to be flip—it was violating as hell. I’m still pissed I didn’t jab him in the balls with my pen).
Hammel also compared working for People to being one of Leo DiCatchAHo’s interchangeable models. Seduced, used, and then asked to leave an obnoxiously large yacht on the French Riviera!
This is just what the entitled stars and their bat—t crazy publicists put me and many other talented, hard-working reporters through. You people, as it turns out, are worse. Stupidly, we expect loyalty and support from you after years of service. We are naïve. Despite your nicey nice, glossy and chirpy veneer, some of us think of you more as the Leo DiCaprio of magazines, using up every beautiful model that crosses your path (“beautiful model”= “award-winning journalist” in this scenario), discarding them, and pretending you leave no wake behind you.
Hammel’s resignation (which looks to be somewhat inspired by her former employer’s refusal to mention a book she’s selling) does raise several questions. Which Hollywood dickbag bullied her at dinner? Was her personal crisis at Tom Cruise’s wedding caused by having to step over a prostrate Suri Cruise in the ladies room to get to the tampon dispenser? Why didn’t she just turn her lemons into lemonade by collecting J. Lo’s spittle from her mug and trying to sell it to a pervy fan? Is Oscar winner Michael Douglas insulted to be lumped in with Rosario and Kyle? Did Clooney drop a baby? Did Clooney drop Sheryl Crow’s baby and Sara laughed? Enquiring minds who will never read People again want to know!
You can read more of Sara Hammel’s fuck-off to People here.