Tom Hiddleston Determined To Take Everything Calvin Harris Has, Had Or Will Ever Have

July 2, 2016 / Posted by:

Slow clap for Tumblr lovegod Tom Hiddleston if his next move is dropping a chart-topping EDM single under the name DJ LOKI called “Tay Tay is My Bae Bae (“Calvin Harris Is A Bitch Ass” Remix). The Sun reports (via Page Six) that Loki is currently being considered to replace the currently bereaved Calvin Harris as the body, butt, and bulge of Emporio Armani’s underwear campaign.

Potential 007 Tom is reportedly on a short list of candidates that include Joe Jonas (I’d prefer the gay-baiting brother), Chris Pine (*snore*), and Liam Hemsworth (Frankly, I’m #TeamPeeta).

In DJ Buff Yet Bland’s defense, he did take leave of Armani on his own to work on a fashion line.

Who am I kidding? This isn’t Loki’s doing, it’s Taylor Swift’s! It’s all grist for the songwriting mill, and the more trauma she causes him, the better. She’s somewhere below Oprah on the Celebrity Omnipotence Chart (Pippi Yawnstocking took on Apple and won). She can probably have people killed at this point. Behind that nondescript “who me?” slumber party princess image is a calculating conniver of epic proportions. She’s basically a blonde Sith Lord.

Check out some more life-changing pics of Tom and Swifty strolling the beach in Suffolk below, as well as some billboards of Calvin from his old modeling gig.

Pics: Splash

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