It’s been almost two weeks since Kim Kardashian rinsed the salty blonde victim tears off her husband’s reputation by releasing several Snapchats of a conversation about the song “Famous” between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. And ever since then, there’s been no end to the reminders of the second time Kim took down a snake on camera. Kanye kept the party going last night by reminding everyone at a Drake concert about What Kim Did. You know, in case any of us accidentally got amnesia in the past 12 days and forgot. Thanks, Kanye.
A moment of bliss before he realized he’d stumbled into the lair of the Cannibal Women of New Haven Connecticut. – Strepsi
A gay man’s version of hell. – jay
Pic: Evil Milk
Pokémoan, the line of Pokemon dildos!
Every serious business person knows that you gotta strike while the iron is hot, and in this case, you gotta strike the pussy while the Pokemon is hot. An Etsy sex toy seller based out of Australia is selling four limited-edition dildos that are perfect for the Poke-head who wants to unwind after a long day of catching Pokemon by catching Pokedildos with their fuck parts. Your dreams have come true if you’ve always wanted to make your ass looks like a Pikachu is trying to burrow up into it Richard Gere-style and if you’ve always wanted to snatch a Squirtle with your snatch.
You can get all four for ONLY AU$270.97 or you can pick between “Charmy” (which looks like Heat Miser’s dick), “Bulby” (which looks like the Jolly Green Giant’s dick and nuts), “Squirty” (which looks like one of the Blue Man Group dudes in a Ninja Turtle costume) and a Pikachu tail ass plug. The descriptions alone may make your Jigglypuff jiggle. (I don’t speak fluent Pokemon, so I have no idea what the hell I’m saying.)
’Bulby’ – A grass type Pokémoan. Bulby has a large seed tip making it a very pleasurable friend to have. It’s seed is 5cm wide and 4cm tall and its body is 16cm tall and 3.5cm wide.
‘Charmy’ – A slightly thinner, fire type Pokémoan with a flaming tail. Standing 18cm tall and 4cm wide at its widest point Charmy gives intense orgasms everywhere it goes.
‘Squirty’ – A water Pokémoan. Squirty has a smooth round head with a large grooved turtle shell on its back. Its bubbly head measures 4cm wide whilst his body measures 6cm wide and 14cm tall.
‘Piky’ – This small electric type anal Pokémoan is a perfect size for the average Pokémoan trainer. Piky is an extremely cute yet essential addition to your team. Its insertable size is 2.5cm wide by 4cm tall and his tail is 8cm long.
Georgia Engel (68)
Cher Lloyd (23)
Soulja Boy (26)
Nolan Gerard Funk (30)
Dustin Milligan (31)
Zach Parise (32)
Billy Aaron Brown (35)
Jacoby Shaddix (40)
Nicole Narain (42)
Elizabeth Berkley (44)
Alexis Arquette (47)
Lori Loughlin (52)
Sally Struthers (68)
Jim Davis (71)
Peter Cullen (75)
No, this Eyes Wide Shut-themed cover of Complex starring Mimi wasn’t Photoshopped into another dimension. It’s obviously a full-on velvet painting, and a stunningly gorgeous one at that – Lainey Gossip
It doesn’t look like Wendi Deng is going to be the evil moll to Vladimir Putin’s Bond villain – Celebitchy
If people cared about Charisma Carpenter anymore, they’d probably go after her for that cultural appropriation – Drunken Stepfather
Anthony Weiner wants to beat off Donald Trump Jr. – The Superficial
When you ain’t got shit to wear and the event is in 5 minutes, rip off the tablecloth, grab some napkins and make it work. Mila Kunis knows what I’m talking about – Egotastic!
The off-brand Barbie styling head named Kim Zolciak showed off her new lips on Snatchchat – Reality Tea
Suri Cruise has a new half-brother! – Just Jared
That Gilmore Girls mini-series got a new trailer – Towleroad
Hilary Duff switched up her “Walking To My Car” act with a “Walking Through The Park” act – Popoholic
Lindsey Vonn looked like a piece of Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape at the Bad Moms premiere – Hollywood Tuna
All of those forty-five million stupid ass Ice Bucket Challenge videos actually led to something good. I guess I’ll be eating barbecued crow tonight – Jezebel
Season 5 of Arrested Development is going to happen – HuffPo
The makers of the Breathe poster really fucked up when they didn’t hire Mimi’s Photoshop team – Pajiba
In case you missed the Looking movie, here’s Jonathan Groff with a face full of nalgas – OMG Blog
The teasers for American Horror Story season 6 are out. Based on those teasers, I’m guessing that the next season is all about a weekend in the kountry with the Kartrashians – Popsugar
As Lindsay Lohan got back to her full-time job of lounging on a yacht in Europe, her piece of trash father Michael Lohan got back to his full-time job of spitting out private bits of her life to the media for coins. Michael Lohan told everyone yesterday that he believes that his daughter and her maybe-cheating and violent Russian piece spawned. And today, Michael said that LiLo told him in a text message that a fetus is really in her womb where it’s probably sipping on some vodka-infused amniotic fluid.
Earlier today, I made a joke about Tom Hiddleston’s “screaming internally” face (copyright: Michael) while talking about Ed Sheeran’s maybe-marriage. Only a few hours later I stumbled upon this picture of him making a Level-6 “screaming internally” face while boarding a flight to LAX last night. Coincidence? No, probably not. I’m sure anyone could have predicted Tom would make that face on his way back to Los Angeles. After all, If I knew I was a 5-hour flight away from my next round of LOOK AT HOW IN LOVE WE ARE!! photo ops with Taylor Swift, I’d make that same face too.
Tom flew back to Los Angeles last night from New York, and The Daily Mail thinks he rushed back to “console” Taylor after finding out that Slytherin’s mascot didn’t receive a single MTV VMA nomination yesterday. But Gossip Cop says that Taylor doesn’t need to be consoled and she isn’t unleashing a bunch of PG expletives while throwing all the MTV VMAs she won last year into her pool. Despite UsWeekly’s report that MTV pulled a “…and none for Gretchen Weiners” on Taylor this year, she wasn’t actually snubbed. Gossip Cop says Taylor never submitted any of her eligible videos. They also say she wasn’t planning on attending this year’s ceremony since she spent the majority of last year touring rather than making videos.
Okay, but that doesn’t mean she’s not upset. Just because Taylor didn’t submit videos doesn’t mean she wasn’t expecting a couple nominations anyway. It’s like when someone invites you to their birthday party and says, “no gifts“, but you know they’re secretly wishing for a 6-foot-tall stack of presents. If Taylor’s not actually at home sulking, then why wasn’t she taking advantage of all the photographers at LAX last night? She could have waited for Tom at the arrivals gate with a handwritten sign that says “YOU’RE THE ONLY VMA I NEED: VERY MASCULINE AGENT” before jumping into his open arms. Really missed an opportunity, you two.
If you didn’t look at that picture and got all excited after misreading the headline as “Michael Fassbender Dipping His Dangling Peen Into A Bottle,” then: 1) We’re soul siblings, because we both always have dick on the brain. 2) You’re crazy to think that Michael Fassbender could dip his salchicha into a bottle. The only way he could fuck a bottle is if the bottle looks like this:
Even then, he’d need a gallon tub of Crisco to get it in.
But anyway, Michael Assbender was on The Tonight Show last night to promote his new movie The Light Between Two Oceans, and Jimmy Fallon decided that they should play a game of “Pen In Bottle.” Michael’s piece Alicia Vikander taught Jimmy the Swedish drinking game when she was on last week. All you do is tie a string with a pen attached to it around your waist, and then you squat while trying to sex the bottle with your pen. I know, the people at The Tonight Show are genius pervs. They came up with a G-rated way to show us what it looks like when Michael Fassbender pile drives.
You can’t tell from that clip since it was cut due to FCC rules, but even though Michael Fassbender missed the hole, that bottle still came.
And here’s Alicia and Michael taking selfies with their fans outside of their hotel in NYC a couple of days ago:
Kristen Stewart looks about as empty and dead inside as a cold, hallowed-out cadaver, but she tells Elle UK that after getting back with her on-and-off-again-piece Alicia Cargile for the third time, she is finally feeling feels again. Don’t let that picture from Elle UK fool you. On the outside, Kristen Stewart may look like a zombified and punkified Wednesday Addams after smoking a morphine-laced joint, but on the inside, a roller coaster of a million raw emotions is running through her!!!
The most recent stop on Jared Leto’s publicity tour for Suicide Squad was on the cover of this month’s issue of Rolling Stone. Just like his fellow Suicide Squad co-star Margot Robbie, he also served up sex and skin on the cover. I think my eyes have seen roughly 1.6 million pictures of Jared in Manic Panic Meth-head drag as The Joker, so it’s a really refreshing change to see him working a new look for a change. Yes, even if he looks like a hot dirtbag who sells counterfeit t-shirts at Skid Row concerts from the trunk of his car. I’ll take what I can get.
Jared did more than just channel his inner-Janet by posing topless on the cover in a pair of 90s denim, he also said words. Of course, his words were very Jared Leto-y. He got both deep (fatherhood, existentialism) and high (drugs, drugs, and how he used to do so many drugs).