Archives: July 2016

Lifetime Is Remaking “Beaches” Because They Hate Us

July 28, 2016 / Posted by:

All together now (to the tune of the “flyyyyy” part of Wind Beneath My Wings): ♫ Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyyyyyy 

Garry Marshall’s body has barely gone cold and those butchers at Lifetime have already made plans to pull out one of his classics and hack it to bits. Deadline reports that Lifetime has given the thumbs up to a remake of 1988’s Beaches starring Idina Menzel. Even though Idina’s look is more “Hillary” than “CC,” Lifetime has cast her as C.C. Bloom, the role that Bette Midler played to perfection in the original. Lifetime’s version will include the songs “Wind Beneath My Wings” and “The Glory of Love,” as well as new and original songs. Lifetime’s Bitches (on purpose typo and it stays) will terrorize our TV screens next year. Here’s a few more details from Deadline:

Allison Anders (Ring of Fire) will direct the Lifetime remake from a script by Bart Baker (Honeymoon with Harry) and Nikole Beckwith (Stockholm, Pennsylvania). Di Novi and Greenspan executive produce for A+E Studios. Production is set to begin on August 15.

Whenever I scream, “ILLEGAL,” over Hollywood slaughtering another classic from our childhoods, some trick will e-mail me to say that remakes happen, get over it and blah blah blah… I know, the audacity of someone accusing me of being melodramatic! But the thing is, it sounds like Lifetime isn’t even doing anything new with Beaches. It seems like they’re just bringing it into “modern day” and since Lifetime is doing it, it’ll be low-budget as hell and the beach scenes will be shot in the sandbox of a park in the Valley somewhere.

If they insist on remaking Beaches, they should do something new. Do an all-animal version starring Bandito and Luigi! Or a gay version! One way to get Richard Simmons to twirl out of retirement is to offer him the role of C.C. Bloom in an all-gay remake of Beaches.

Here’s the basic cable CC Bloom yodeling at a gala in NYC last month:

Pics: Wenn.com

Blake Shelton Sort-Of Maybe Kinda Just Endorsed Donald Trump (UPDATE)

July 28, 2016 / Posted by:

I’m sure that while watching celebrities pick sides during this year’s US presidential election, you’ve thought to yourself, “Okay, but who is the Y’all-y Jean Giant voting for?“, because whose mind isn’t that question on the top of? You can stop wondering who Blake Shelton will be voting for this November. Blake recently spoke to Billboard about a bunch of things, including the election. Blake doesn’t say the words “I will be voting for ____“, but let’s just say he’s a big fan of a certain expired BBQ chip grease-colored candidate.

Kim Kartrashian’s Knipples Are Just As Powerful As Adele’s Vocal Cords

July 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Harper’s Bazaar’s September issue should’ve been called the “Necrophilia Issue,” because that picture has about as much sexiness and charisma as a picture of a crime scene photographer taking a picture of a dead body. No disrespect to crime scene photographers and dead bodies.

The publishers of Harper’s Bazaar are probably going to be hit with a class action lawsuit from subscribers who no longer have eyeballs because that shit rolled out of their faces and out the door while reading the magazine’s Q&A with Kanye West and Kim Kartrashian. It reads like one of those Facebook quizzes filled out by a fart bubble and a queef bubble.

Keshia Knight Pulliam’s Divorce Situation Got More Dramatic

July 28, 2016 / Posted by:

Two days ago, we learned that Keshia Knight Pulliam was going through a whole Dr. Phil-episode’s worth of relationship awfulness with her husband of six months, former NFL player and one-time RHOA husband Ed Hartwell. A week after Keshia announced that she was knocked up with Ed’s baby, he filed for divorce and demanded a paternity test. It’s nowhere near the worst reason that a former Cosby Show cast member has found themselves in the news for recently, but it’s definitely not great.

Keshia and Ed’s situation got even more complicated. Rudy Huxtable sat down with Entertainment Tonight last night and told her side of the story.

Kanye West Publicly Kongratulated Kim Kardashian On Her Snapchat Skills Last Night

July 28, 2016 / Posted by:

It’s been almost two weeks since Kim Kardashian rinsed the salty blonde victim tears off her husband’s reputation by releasing several Snapchats of a conversation about the song “Famous” between Kanye West and Taylor Swift. And ever since then, there’s been no end to the reminders of the second time Kim took down a snake on camera. Kanye kept the party going last night by reminding everyone at a Drake concert about What Kim Did. You know, in case any of us accidentally got amnesia in the past 12 days and forgot. Thanks, Kanye.

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