20 years ago, Hillary Clinton was 48 going on 200 and her dance moves really gave her away. “The Macarena” was sweeping the the nation and the DNC even adopted it as its theme song. Nothing exhibits a political party’s intent to do right by the people like an irritating-as hell line dance to which the First Lady won’t even deign to learn the steps. Why not just go full tilt boogie and use “The Chicken Dance?”
Old Hillary let her coiffe down in those heady days of yore, huh? Maybe not down. She might have used a little less hairspray. Witness her clapping along with that yawning maw of a laugh as she slightly sways. The people around her obviously trained for this. They probably bought a Macacrena guide off of the TV and everything. Not Hillary “I’ll wing this fucker” Clinton. Has Kate McKinnon seen this treasure? (via EW)
Ok but the 1996 DNC was lit pic.twitter.com/nuHp1lBND8
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) July 29, 2016
This is not a complaint. This is observation and admiration. And lust. Witness Tyler Hoechlin’s gigantic butt in a Superman suit:
Do you ever just pic.twitter.com/v5DqehWiHk
— Tyler Hoechlin Army (@HoechlinArmy) July 29, 2016
Those contents are under pressure. He looks like he’s smuggling two kickballs back there. He must do squats in his sleep. Sleepsquatting! Unless those buttcheeks are some kind of implants. That would be disappointing, especially if you went to smack him on the ass and every bone in your hand shattered. Implants can oftimes harden.
The Teen Wolf actor is playing Superman in season two of Supergirl. Here he is on the set in Vancouver. Did they hire him as Superman because of his super bubble butt? I’d be in yoga pants every day, down at the gym and always making sure to slightly bend for everything so all the menfolk could admire my voluptuous ass. I probably wouldn’t be a member there for much longer after that display but it would be worth it if just one sessy type invited me to “take a steam” with him.
Check out more pics in the gallery below. Or just stare at that ass tweet while thanking the inventor of spandex profusely.
In “Dead Musical Geniuses Who Don’t Have Relatives Scrapping Over Their Remains” News, David Bowie’s son Duncan Jones tweeted his son’s birth announcement last night. Stenton David Jones was born on July 10, six months to the day that his granddad passed away due to cancer.
Stenton David Jones. Born July 10th, exactly six months after his grandad made room for him.
Love you both so. ❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/Axdee1iRhE
— Duncan Jones (@ManMadeMoon) July 29, 2016
Bowie’s actual name was David Robert Jones, and Stenton is named for Ziggy Stardust’s dad. And why am I blogging about yet another incredibly important musical artist who is no longer with us? I’m reminding myself of the loss. Hopefully they’re working together on something in Rock Star Heaven. Duncan also thanked his wife, Rodene Ronquillo.
“All my love and awe to the incredible @rodeneronquillo who made a human being in her belly. Warrior woman & every day, my hero.”
He better have thanked her. Not only did she birth a human (which I’m assuming is the worst pain ever barring violent death), but he drew her like that. I know it’s a quickie drawing made out of love, but that’s not exactly a push present. “That’s sweet, dear, but why does my vagina look like a duck’s bill?” Wait, is that supposed to be Bowie? Why does he have a uniboob?
Society (including ISIS) just collectively nodded politely and then looked at an imaginary text on their phones as Paris Hilton expressed her fear that she may be attacked by the feared militant group. There, there, Paris. No one’s looking for you. There are hard-up serial killers in desperate need of victims who still wouldn’t attack you.
There’s a hole in the world, and it’s where Prince used to be. Since being raised up to the next plane of existence this past April (upon the wings of purple doves and trailing raw, sexy glamour in his wake), those he left behind want something with which to remember him. To be specific, almost 30 people have laid claim to his reportedly 250 million-dollar estate. Unfortunately, they’re going to have to make due with their Graffiti Bridge VHS tapes, because a judge ruled “no, bitch” in most of their cases.
Joyce Beatty, a U.S. Representative from Ohio and the newly crowned President of the United States of Petty!
By popular demand, today’s HSOTD crown goes to Representative Joyce Beatty who executed some Jedi-levels of shade on the last night of the DNC on Thursday when she gave a speech while wearing the exact same dress that current reigning Queen of Copy + Pasting Melania Trump wore while spitting out Michelle Obama’s stolen words at the RNC. The dress, made by Serbian-born designer Roksanda Ilincic, cost $2,190, which is a lot of money for an ensemble you can recreate using a white dress from Ann Taylor Loft and clown collars, but that is besides the point. Because the move that Rep. Joyce Beatty pulled was priceless.
Rep. Joyce busted out some old church lady revenge shit. It’s like when your mom and auntie get into a fight, and your mom gets revenge by making your auntie’s signature dish and bringing it to a family party. Rep. Joyce taking a page out of Melania Trump’s playbook by snatching her look went viral, of course. Alexis Carrington Colby’s apprentice was asked about it after her speech, and she pretty much went all “I don’t know her” by saying that she had no idea she was wearing the same dress. Joyce claimed that her husband, Otto Beatty Jr., bought her the dress and asked her to wear it. Uh huh, I guess a shade master never reveals her secrets:
This reminded me of Queen Aretha flawlessly dissing Taylor Swift with that “great gowns, beautiful gowns” line. Joyce Beatty did that, only she wore that beautiful gown too! All hail Joyce Beatty!