Hot Slut Of The Day!
Mabel Jackson of Suffolk, England who claims that the key to her becoming a member of The Supreme Memaw Club (aka The Centurion Club) sits in a bottle of Beefeater.
When Hot Slut of February Flossie Dickey let her love of whiskey be known and former HSOTDs Agnes Fenton and Pauline Spangola both said that the secret to living a long life is boooooze, Mabel Jackson raised a “World’s Drunkest Grandma” mug and drank to that. Because Mabel Jackson tells the Suffolk Gazette (via Cosmopolitan) that she made it all the way to 100 years old thanks to the 6 gin and tonics she puts in her stomach on the daily.
Mabel says she’s been doing her 6-gins-a-day diet since she was 18. Mabel’s betrothed of 55 years died of liver disease in 1989, but she’s not worried about all that booze fucking up her insides. Mabel thinks it does the opposite of bad things! It’s the elixir of life!
“I have two at lunchtime, one at tea time with a biscuit and then three more during the evening while I do my knitting. I swear the gin keeps me young!”
The gin industry should probably get together and send Mabel a lifetime supply (she’s 100, so that lifetime supply won’t hurt them that bad), because she thinks she’s bought over 4,000 bottles total.
“I worked it out one night when I couldn’t get to sleep. Instead of counting sheep, I counted gins. You get around 35 measures in a bottle, so as I always have six a day it takes me around a week to get through a bottle. I know this because I buy one every Wednesday from the Co-Op. On that basis I buy 52 bottles a year, making 4,264 bottles since I started. That’s quite an achievement!”
Now, I don’t want to say that a gin-loving 100-year-old granny’s got her math wrong, but I used my “Russell Crowe in A Beautiful Mind” brain (read: a calculator) to do the calculations. If she says there’s 35 shots in one bottle, then my math genius mind tells me that she’d run out during day 5. Cut to Mabel’s family sneakily filling her empty gin bottle with gin-flavored water on day 5. Speaking of Mabel’s family, her daughter thinks all that gin has “preserved her, like a good pickle.”
And Mabel’s gin diet made complete sense to me when I read this:
Mabel now enjoys visits from nine grandchildren and even three great-grandchildren…..
You know, fuck gin. If I had to spend time with 12 grandchildren and great grandchildren at once, I’d reach for the gin bottle too, but only so I can use it to smoke crack out of. So Mabel is stronger than me! Cheers, Memaw Mabel!
Pic: @SuffolkGazette