Hot Slut Of The Day!

June 27, 2016 / Posted by:

Sully, the thespian seagull whose name should be above and before Blake NotSoLively’s in every single ad and commercial for The Shallows!

After seeing The Shallows over the weekend, I am confused as to why Blake Lively did all of the press for the movie while the real star, Sully the Seagull, did none. Even Blake agrees that Sully is the true star of the movie. Sully is probably a real actor who trained at Juilliard and unlike Blake, he’s about the art and not about all the attention. Obviously, that’s the reason!

The plot for The Shallows is well (get ready to GONG me), shallow (GONG!). There’s not much to it. Blake NotSoLively goes surfing, ends up in a cunty Great White shark’s feeding zone, it attacks her  and she swims to a rock formation where she tries to get herself together and figure out how she’s going to get away from Jaws’ apprentice. That shark must’ve been on some kind of macrobiotic diet, because I don’t know why it wants to chomp on Blake’s bland ass so bad. Blake spends a good chunk of the movie on that rock formation. And just when you begin to think, “Shit, am I going to have to look at Blake NotSoLively the entire time?“, we meet the movie’s real lead, Steven Seagull, mostly played by the Meryl Streep of seagulls, Sully.

Steven is stuck on that rock with Blake, because (SPOILER ALERT) he’s also got an injury that’s keeping him down. Everyone is saying that Steven is the Wilson to Blake’s Tom Hanks, but it’s the other way around. Steven Seagull is the main protagonist of this story, and Sully turns what could’ve been a one-note performance into a multi-dimensional and riveting one. Sully delivers a wide range of emotions, like “Am I really stuck on a rock with this trick? Fuck my seagull life!” and (SECOND SPOILER ALERT) “Did this trick really just turn me into shark bait by sending me out into the water on a broken surfboard?” The movie’s director Jaume Collett-Serra tells Yahoo Movies that they used three seagulls for the role, but the other two were untalented amateurs.

“We had three seagulls, but one was genius and the other two were dumb. The other two were only used in a couple of shots, so 99 percent of the film is Sully. Not all seagull [actors] are created equal!”

And here’s Sully easily upstaging a screaming Blake by simply walking:

I don’t know if Sully has any upcoming projects, but I’m going to guess that he’s going to take some time off before he prepares his Oscar campaign since he’s a shoo-in for a nomination. I was going to say that I can’t wait to see him steal scenes again when he plays Scuttle the Seagull in Disney’s live-action The Little Mermaid movie, but I’m sure he’ll turn that role down. Sully is a true AC-TOR and true actors don’t sell out!

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