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June 25, 2016 / Posted by:

Rubik, the Amazing Cube!

My brain is a giant dumpster pile of tattered and bird-shit covered memories, and every now and again, a rat scurries through the rubble and pulls out something that was hidden deep down at the bottom. That’s what happened to me the other night when I remembered the flop cartoon from the early 80s that starred a damn Rubik’s Cube. In the 80s, almost everything was turned into either a cereal or a cartoon or both, so it’s not exactly surprising that an emotionless cube became the star of a TV show. (Although, an emotionless cube named Ben Affleck is the star of a multi-multi-million dollar superhero franchise, so I guess the 2000s aren’t that different.)

The animation studio Ruby-Spears (which sounds like the name of Brit Brit’s hot tobacco-chewing diner waitress auntie), who gave us the Alvin and the Chipmunks cartoon, produced the cartoon Rubik The Amazing Cube. An executive probably came up with the idea after snorting a line of PCP-laced coke off of a Rubik’s Cube. The creators of this acid trip foolery gave Rubik an alien troll head, which only popped out when someone lined up his colors. That may or may not have led to the creation of the phrase, “Now I’ve seen fucking everything!” The plot of this cartoon was as equally as crazy. via Wikipedia

Rubik had fallen out of the stagecoach of an evil magician, who became the main villain of the series. Rubik helped 3 siblings—Carlos, Lisa, and Reynaldo Rodriguez—in foiling the magician’s attempts to recover Rubik. Once, Rubik was recovered by a detective who was a relative of the magician, but then decided the children should keep Rubik as the magician would use him for evil and selfish purposes.

I don’t know what kind of “evil” and “selfish” purposes you could use a stupid cube toy for. Maybe the souls of the magician’s enemies jumped out of their bodies every time they saw Rubik’s creepy face pop out of his cube body.

Rubik The Amazing Cube only lasted 1 season from 1983 to 1984. Menudo sang the theme song:

It’s sad that it didn’t last, honestly. I mean, a morning cartoon about a Rubik’s Cube that had a theme song sung by Menudo is just so gloriously early-80s. It’s so early-80s that typing that sentence made me shit up Tab soda.

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