The most shocking split since Brenda Walsh and Dylan McKay happened yesterday, and obviously all of you already know, because if you’re American, you already went on ASOS.com to see how much stuff your dollar can get today. It’s times like these when I’m glad that instead of contributing to a 401k, I contributed to the current state of my mental health by buying weed.
I can talk out of my asshole about almost anything (“You do and we know.” – anyone who has read one word of this blog), but I can’t do that about Brexit. But thankfully, America’s greatest contribution to the UK since Caprice Bourret was there last night to try to guide me. “Try” being the keyword.
Using the knowledge she learned while researching the role of a British tween in The Parent Trap, Lindsay Lohan live-tweeted the Brexit results last night. While LiLo’s mom White Oprah probably thinks that Brexit is the name of the new it diet pill that fame whores are pimping out on Instagram, LiLo knows all about it. Lindsay is firmly on Team Remain and had a lot to say. She went on and on and on…. Many of us woke up today thinking that the freckled tornado of Brexit info that hit our brains last night was nothing more than a fever dream, because none of those tweets are on LiLo’s page anymore. Trick must have gotten a case of tweetgret, because she deleted them all. But NBC News got screen shots of just a few of her tweets:
“..will take about 15 years to get it back up” is what many dudes said to their dead boners after looking at that picture of LiLo and White Oprah “canoodling.”
I followed the Brexit results last night, so I read LiLo’s tweet-a-thon, and at one point, I think I got second hand Adderall high, because I suddenly had to fight the urge to organize all of my white t-shirts in order of brightness.
As entertaining as LiLo’s tweets were, I don’t know what most of them meant, but I do know that “THIS IMPACT WILL CONTROL ALL MARGINS” sounds like something a coked-up 9th grader would scream while waving a ruler around in geometry class. So maybe LiLo had a flashback to the mathletes scene in Mean Girls? “THIS IMPACT WILL CONTROL ALL MARGINS” is “The limit does not exist” of Brexit.
And I know you were scrolling through this post while saying to yourself, “Who cares, what does Dame Joan Collins think about this,” here’s your answer:
The journey of 1000 miles begins with the first step??????❤️?
— Joan Collins (@Joancollinsdbe) June 24, 2016
Do with that what you will.