And it’s obvious that something is TOM BRADY!
In movies and most interviews, Ben Affleck makes a rock look like it’s full of complex emotions and feelings. But when you bring up Tom Brady and Tom Brady’s deflating balls, Ben Affleck comes alive and will let the raw emotions ooze out of every one of his pores. HBO’s new sports talk show Any Given Wednesday with Bill Simmons premiered last night, and the Botoxed Easter Island statue broke out of his stony exterior and stroked Tom Brady’s dick so hard that Tom is going to need a dick skin graft, because Ben stroked it all off.
Ben released a million feelings about “Deflategate” and slurred out a love letter to Tom Brady that was so passionate that I’m sure if Matt Damon was watching, he ran out of the room crying and immediately called his lawyer to file for divorce from Ben. Ben had a lot to say about Deflategate, but dude really went off on the NFL asking Tom Brady to hand over his cell phone, which he refused to do, because he’s a fuckin’ classy gentleman like that:
“You wanna give a guy, because he doesn’t give you his cell phone, a punishment? I would NEVER give an organization as leak-prone as the NFL my fucking cell phone so you can just look through my e-mails and listen to my voicemails. So first thing they’re going to do is leak this shit.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s funny, lovely sex messages from his wife. Maybe it’s just friendly messages from his wife. Maybe Tom Brady is so fuckin’ classy and such a fuckin’ gentleman that he doesn’t want people to know that he may have reflected on his real opinion of some of his co-workers. You know, like guys he plays with, guys he plays against. His real feelings. I wouldn’t want guys who I didn’t think were very good to know I didn’t think they were very good. I wouldn’t want guys who I thought were great to know I thought they were great. I’d want to keep my opinions to myself. Surely his opinions about professional football are contained in his e-mails and his texts in his fucking telephone.”
“I don’t know, maybe it’s also a text from his bestest best friend asking if it’s cool if he brings his side ho nanny to Vegas with them?”
Ben looks so wicked hammered in that clip that I expected him to accuse Bill of looking at him funny before saying, “Beeehl, Beeehl, yooze knows wut yerr problerm iz?” Ben looks like a drunken Sonja Morgan of the Real Housewives of New York City trying to operate her mouth during an argument with Ramona after getting bad Botox. But a source tells TMZ that Ben wasn’t drunk on booze. He was totally sober. I guess he was just drunk on the subject of Tom Brady’s balls.
Ben is filled with so much hot air in that clip that I’m surprised his fuckin’ gentleman of a friend Tom Brady didn’t run out onto the set to deflate his head a bit. That’s what a real fuckin’ classy friend would’ve done.
And here’s Tom Brady’s #1 fanbro sucking on a cigarette while shooting Live By Night in Pasadena, CA yesterday.