The Portuguese news channel CMTV has long been the Alexis Carrington Colby to Cristiano Ronaldo’s Krystle Carrington. Crispy has boycotted them and even tried to sue them for airing stories about him and his family that he didn’t appreciate. CMTV and Crispy’s feud hit the water today, and unfortunately by that, I don’t mean that they got into a hot wrestling match in a lily pond ala Alexis and Krystle.
EURO 2016 (which I guess is like the Tonys of the football world?) is going down in France right now and Crispy’s team, Portugal, played Hungary today. Before the game, a reporter from CMTV strolled up to Crispy and asked him if he was prepared. Crispy basically said, “Bitch, fuck you, go ask the fishes,” with one simple move. Crispy grabbed the mic and tossed it into the lake. Justin Bieber needs to pull up a chair in the front row and study this video carefully. This is how you throw a hissy fit:
The way he chucked that thing. You’d think that the reporter handed him a bottle of sunscreen. I don’t know what I love more: The thought of Crispy’s overcooked b-hole getting steamy as he wrestled that mic out of the reporter’s hand or the sound of that mic flying through the air. But really, it’s all fun and mic-throwing until we find out that the mic landed on and killed an endangered frog and Crispy gets imprisoned for it. I don’t know what color French prison uniforms are, but if they’re orange, Crispy is going to look perfect in them.
And here’s the mic tosser playing in today’s game: