Comedian Doug Stanhope was one of the first of Johnny Depp’s friends to defend him and bitch went hard. In a piece that was posted on The Wrap, Doug painted Johnny as a po’ lil’ defenseless smegma ball of a victim whose succubus wife vowed to ruin him the same way he ruined his pretty if he didn’t give her everything she wanted in their divorce settlement. Doug cried that Johnny is not a lady beater and he just knew that things with Amber Heard weren’t going to end well. Doug didn’t really see Amber’s alleged manipulative ways with his own eyes. He just went with what Johnny told him.
Doug’s Defense Of A Millionaire Hobo essay led to Amber Heard suing his ass for defamation. Amber said in her lawsuit that Doug wrongly accused her of blackmailing Johnny and she said that any money she wins from the lawsuit will be donated to a battered women’s shelter in Arizona. Doug isn’t letting that defamation lawsuit keep him from opening his mouth flaps about this train wreck of a situation. Doug was on The Howard Stern Show (via People) yesterday and when Howard asked about the lawsuit, he didn’t say the words I say whenever my mom judgmentally asks me how many drinks I’ve had that week so far. Doug didn’t say,“I plead the fifth!”
While promoting his new book Digging Up Mother: A Love Story, Howard Stern got into the shit that’s gotten Doug the most press he’s ever gotten in his life. Doug did admit that he can’t go into detail about the lawsuit since it’s still very much alive.
“Anything I say they can twist my words. It’s such a bullshit suit. I wish I had my lawyer here. I should probably not talk about it.”
Doug, who’s been friends with Johnny for about 3 years, wrote his pro-Depp piece for his personal site, but he let The Wrap re-post it. Doug says that the editors at The Wrap are the ones who titled his piece, “Amber Heard is Blackmailing Johnny Depp This is How I Know.” He didn’t do that.
Stephanie Seymour is probably going to spit at Doug’s face, because he called Amber Heard a Hollywood “supermodel” and says that it’s funny that she’s suing him for money since he’s about as broke as Johnny’s sense of hygiene.
“That’s the funniest idea. The idea of some Hollywood supermodel lady winning all of my shit, she would be locking the doors driving down my street. I think she’s trying to make me shut the fuck up. Now I’m talking [too much].”
After Doug’s words made the rounds, the living and breathing scarf rack he defended texted him with a thank you.
“I had no contact with him until he texted me after that went out. He said ‘Hey, thanks for being honest.’ He didn’t know that was going out.”
No word if Doug asked Johnny if he could really show his thanks by paying Doug’s legal bills. But Doug did joke that LegalZoom is representing him.
Damn I wish Doug wasn’t joking about LegalZoom being his lawyer, because I want to see what that would look like in court. LegalZoom probably wouldn’t send an actual lawyer, so Doug would have to defend himself in court while getting advice from a customer service rep on the phone. And if LegalZoom’s customer service is anything like any other company’s customer service, he’d spend half of the time on hold and the other half of the time screaming for a supervisor before saying, “Wait, you ARE the supervisor? Fuckit, I’m guilty.”
And here’s beyond thrilling pictures of Amber Heard walking into a building in L.A. last Thursday: