The last time we checked in with Nick Cannon, he was reportedly dragging his feet on signing the divorce papers to legally quit his marriage to Mariah Carey, thus further delaying her dream of becoming Mrs. Australian Billionaire. Then last week he released a song called “Divorce Papers“, which was about as subtle and nuanced as the Photoshopping on one of Mariah’s album covers.
In it, he alleges that the rumor he wouldn’t sign the papers was a lie. He also took plenty of shots at Mariah, which included such gems as: “But fuck my health, y’all felt I kept this shit held up over some motherfucking alimony? Now who phony” and “It’s fucked up that the time that you spend with your own kids is called visitation.”
TMZ says sources close to Mariah were confused by it. They claim Nick is allowed to see their twins whenever he wants. They also side-eyed how dramatic it was; they say Nick and Mariah get along well, and allege that the only person who is holding anything up is his lawyers.
At the end of “Divorce Papers,” Nick says, “Man, fuck it let’s sign these papers,” which is usually the kind of thing you’d say if you really want to be done with someone. But Nick would like you to know he didn’t spend his weekend on the phone with Demi Lovato gossiping about how much they hate Mariah. Nick posted the above picture on Instagram yesterday to show the “haters” that he spent Father’s Day with his mother and the woman he is supposedly not on divorce paper-signing terms with.
“Leaving the Haters in the Wind! LOL They want us to be mad so bad! @MariahCarey but we happier than happy! #HappyFathersDay”
“Haters in the Wind” sounds like a song written by grumpy current day Elton John that I really, really want to hear.
There’s still no word on whether or not Nick Cannon has signed those divorce papers. So that smile on Mariah’s face could be a real “I’m finally gonna be a billionaire’s bride!” smile. But it could also be an awkward secretly-pissed smile to cover up the fact that she’s spent the past three hours trying to get him to take a hint by “accidentally” dropping pink glitter pens around him.